00:00:00: Okay, wonderful, beautiful, sweet, kind people of the artsy-fartsy community.

00:00:08: It's been a while, and I know that.

00:00:11: I know that, but you know why it's been like that too, don't you?

00:00:15: You know that because I've been on the Prince of Germany, twenty-twenty-five stand-up comedy tour.

00:00:23: Now listen, there is a lot of stuff to get into.

00:00:28: In fact, It is so much stuff that I'm going to do a two-parter episode.

00:00:34: This is the funny thing about this episode.

00:00:36: This is something I've never done before.

00:00:38: This was the episode you're about to listen to right now is an episode that I believe the last time that I modified it was October, twenty-third, which was before Halloween, but in between my tour.

00:00:54: So I'm going to just intro this episode, which is a little older, but it's because it shares feelings and stories and insights that I wanted to share in the moment while I was doing the tour.

00:01:14: It's kind of a funny thing.

00:01:16: I was in the middle of the tour.

00:01:18: It started on the twelfth.

00:01:20: There was Frankfurt, Cologne, Hamburg, Berlin.

00:01:26: And then I was about to go to Vienna and I think that was the breaking of them.

00:01:30: Or no, I did go to Vienna.

00:01:31: I think I'm not sure.

00:01:31: I haven't listened to the recording in a while, obviously, but I don't want to lose this episode.

00:01:36: I want you guys to be a part of the entire journey.

00:01:40: So specifically to my mom and Moritz, the only people that I know genuinely listen to this on a weekly basis, but that aside, this is an episode you're about to hear is a little older.

00:01:55: But I am also going to record the updated story podcast the journey of the of the tour and then release that Maybe even just the day after or something.

00:02:11: So you guys will get two long episodes this week.

00:02:15: That's my that's my goal.

00:02:17: I would really like to make sure that you guys can do that because it's been a long long time And now that things are getting back into like a standard routine, well, there's just no excuse is there to not, you know, give my wonderful fans something to listen to.

00:02:37: I'm talking about you, mom.

00:02:40: No, but this episode, I skimmed through it just to be sure that, you know, that's it's worth posting.

00:02:47: it's uh it's a good solid hour.

00:02:49: so you know if you're driving or just you know hanging around at the house and you want to listen to some of the early stories it does cover i believe through berlin if not also to vienna um which are some very funny stories this journey through.

00:03:06: um Yeah, the first shows of this tour.

00:03:08: it was really there's a lot to talk about.

00:03:10: it's really exciting and funny and Weird also.

00:03:15: you're gonna hear about the weirdest things and then I will Then record an additional episode probably right now because I'm just doing the intro for this episode right now fresh.

00:03:28: Either I'm gonna do it right now or first thing in the morning, and then you will have another episode Hopefully.

00:03:36: yeah May I'm not.

00:03:37: I think I'm not gonna release both at the same time because it can be confusing But I would you know post it as a part one of two for the Prince of Germany stand-up tour.

00:03:49: But yeah, you know without further ado, there's a lot of funny things to get into a lot of exciting Stories and just why it's really like now that I'm reliving some of the things in my head.

00:04:01: It's really it's really cool.

00:04:03: Just as a side note If you weren't able to get a ticket for the tour this year, please make sure you follow me on Instagram or TikTok or YouTube or wherever you like to engage with social media because I will have another tour next year and I will be posting fresh content again new videos new stories new jokes new ideas and What do I want to think about?

00:04:32: Oh, and the book, of course.

00:04:33: The Prince of Germany book, which is both in English and in German, is out now.

00:04:40: Link in my bio.

00:04:42: It ships internationally, and you can get it now.

00:04:45: So if you haven't got it, go get it.

00:04:48: This is the podcast from a couple of weeks ago, and you will hear part two later on.

00:04:55: Thank you so much for listening.

00:04:56: I love you guys, and let's... Rock and roll!

00:05:01: Welcome back to a brand new episode of our say far say immigrants.

00:05:07: Welcome back to a brand new episode of our say far say immigrants.

00:05:14: Yeah.

00:05:17: Let's get into it.

00:05:38: Brascals, pirates and tax fraud criminals out there.

00:05:45: Welcome back to a brand new and very, very long overdue episode of RC FartZ immigrants.

00:05:49: Let me just fix my chair.

00:05:52: It is a chair that I used to like quite a lot and it sinks constantly, which makes me feel two things.

00:05:59: One, oh, I need a new chair.

00:06:01: This chair sucks.

00:06:02: The other thing is I've gotten so fat the chair cannot hold my weight any longer.

00:06:07: Anyway.

00:06:08: uh guys hey we are on fire today because i have not done an episode and god knows how long i'm not gonna look it up.

00:06:15: i'm not gonna bore you with it but let's hop right into it because you know the thing is it is a very special week this week because i am halfway through my twenty twenty five prince of germany stand-up comedy tour and uh we are doing good man.

00:06:34: i i want to tell you guys about it.

00:06:35: i want to tell you how it's been going.

00:06:38: uh some of the crazy stories some of the adventure thus far uh which is mostly me in my underwear in a hotel playing my PlayStation until far later into the evening than I should be doing because I should be getting good night's sleep, but I haven't really bad about that.

00:06:59: No, but let's take a look here.

00:07:00: So I started on, let me see what the first day was of this tour.

00:07:05: I think that was the seven, no, the seventeenth.

00:07:10: was Berlin.

00:07:11: I'm so bad about this because right now I'm looking at the tour dates on my on the ticket site but let me just pull it up like from the image because the tour site updates constantly and they delete the shows that if oh my god okay the first one was the twelfth.

00:07:28: okay let's jump into it right out of the gate.

00:07:31: though guys let me just say for those who live in or around Vienna I am performing.

00:07:38: Well, I will have performed by the time this comes out, but October twenty-first.

00:07:43: So this actually kind of dumb to say on this podcast because it will have already happened.

00:07:50: Let me see when this comes out if there's a show on that day.

00:07:54: Yes, the day that this episode releases the twenty-third of October, I am going to be in Innsbruck at the Maria Theresia venue.

00:08:06: Um, no opener for that show, but look, I will be there and you should go.

00:08:13: So, you know, great advertisement, right?

00:08:15: Classic Jordan.

00:08:16: What a good, what a good marketing strategist.

00:08:18: Why don't you just go work for a JP Morgan, my bud?

00:08:22: Um, so by the time this comes out, I will have already done Vienna and I can already tell you it went swimmingly well.

00:08:31: Vienna with my special guest, um, Kyle Kyle van Carven, which is a name so confusing in terms of all the different Nationalities that I could just throw like I basically like guessing Kyle and I'm by the way, he's a comic and he would love this but like the The amount of different names or nationalities in that name for me to guess it's like.

00:09:01: it's like throwing It's like being blindfolded, taking water balloons of paint of which color you do not know and throwing it against a wall and going, did I do the Mona Lisa?

00:09:15: Did I basically make a starry night from Van?

00:09:19: Gogh?

00:09:20: Let me just take a quick glance.

00:09:22: His name is Kaio, which I, for far too long, thought was a nickname, like a joke name, a stage name called Chao.

00:09:31: And now that I'm looking at it, it's not spelled that way at all.

00:09:38: His name is CAIO.

00:09:41: And then Van, V-A-N, and then Carvin with two A's.

00:09:47: Like he'd be Carvin his own path into weird name territory.

00:09:52: But I have talked about him before.

00:09:56: He's actually a really funny guy.

00:09:58: He's doing online content.

00:10:00: He makes really interesting... uh comic comic books kind of in a way like people who have ever been interested in the far side.

00:10:08: it's almost like that where it's a collection of just one-off stories one-off characters but a collection of them he has like his own book and stuff and he uh made some t-shirts which i have hanging here in my studio.

00:10:22: uh when my parents visited they were um they saw them.

00:10:26: they're still hanging up here.

00:10:28: Uh, I'm not going to describe what a t-shirt looks like because that's not fun.

00:10:32: But anyway, go check out his stuff.

00:10:34: It's CAIO.

00:10:35: So I asked him one time how, um, what name he would like to be announced under because I wasn't sure if this was a performer's name.

00:10:44: I mean, just straight up, I was just like, I've never heard this name.

00:10:46: Is this a performer's name?

00:10:48: And he was like, no, no, no, that's, that's the name you can do.

00:10:50: Um, you can also just say Carvin with two A's and then like C A A R V E N. And then I asked him, because I was reading this as if I'm dyslexic.

00:11:03: I was reading it over and over as Chao for like two years.

00:11:09: I've been following this guy and I've been saying Chao Van Carvin, but it's C-A-I-O.

00:11:15: I found out he's Brazilian or Portuguese.

00:11:21: Well, you know, they speak the same language, but it's just they sound different.

00:11:24: I don't know if he's from Portugal or Brazil.

00:11:26: I think he's Brazil.

00:11:27: I god I hope he's not listening to this because I feel so bad I cannot remember right now, but you know what?

00:11:32: I forgive myself because I have been going through the ringer on this big old tour and That's why you can tell that I sound so absolutely psychotic because yeah, my brain just can't sit still throughout.

00:11:45: throughout all of this I have a lot of things to go through anyway.

00:11:49: Vienna at the Fluke FLUCC will have just happened and as of this recording It the ticket sales are quite good.

00:11:59: So I'm very happy with that.

00:12:00: and it's The.

00:12:02: he told me how to pronounce his name, which looks like chow But it's with the a. first I've said that a thousand times already and He told me it sounds like Kyle like KYLE and then I got it.

00:12:15: I was like, oh Kyle.

00:12:18: So anyway check out his stuff.

00:12:20: great great comedy like cartoon strips and great funny t-shirts.

00:12:26: and I Think probably also by the time you hear this we will have posted some content together because we do plan to meet to make some content.

00:12:37: and Yeah, very nice guy.

00:12:39: so And then, to continue, my God, Innsbruck is of the release day of this episode, the twenty-third, at the Maria Theresia.

00:12:49: Then, for those who have not bought their tickets yet, for... the Munich shows.

00:12:57: let me just make a big reminder here that the Munich shows please send them.

00:13:02: please send this link in the show notes to anyone and everyone around the Munich area not that the ticket sales aren't good but just because if you think they might like it or want to be in the audience for the official recording of the special make sure they know because it's about to be gone.

00:13:20: the early show is long since Like completely sold out.

00:13:25: no chance even for guest list.

00:13:27: It's really like intense.

00:13:29: Oh, excuse me.

00:13:30: So that's good news.

00:13:33: I've talked about it a lot.

00:13:34: so the twenty-fifth Munich at the vex even the the work seven theater on Saturday October.

00:13:41: fifth there is an early show.

00:13:43: five thirty and Completely packed completely packed sold out.

00:13:49: that's great.

00:13:50: then later is the nine thirty p.m.

00:13:54: same day same venue and that one is almost completely sold out.

00:14:00: and if you guys listening to this or you have friends who you think might would enjoy being a part of the official recording of the special that I'm going to release on YouTube like the previous special that I recorded last year in Munich.

00:14:17: Make sure to send that around or tell your friends because that will be sold out soon and I'm really excited about that.

00:14:24: And shout out to my opener for Munich.

00:14:29: It's a it's a comedian from India and his opening set will be about ten minutes long and he does it in English and his name is Akash.

00:14:39: Pondie.

00:14:41: I have to double check with him.

00:14:43: double check with him if it's Ponday or Pandy Ponday.

00:14:46: I mean American style.

00:14:48: I would say like a cashpandy Like I have a cigar like I'm Tommy Lee Jones in no country.

00:14:57: Well, I Like that.

00:14:57: my name is a cashpandy But he uh Terrible impression, but he is a very funny comic and I was noticing a lot of his posts of his stand-up and I liked his style of humor.

00:15:11: So he will be the opening act for both the early show and the late show and He's gonna do about ten minutes and then I will come out and we are filming both performances.

00:15:25: We are going to film the five thirty and the nine thirty on the same day and then edit a special for YouTube.

00:15:34: So if you cannot make this tour, then you can also watch it probably in a few months.

00:15:40: I don't have a release date in mind yet.

00:15:43: Then, okay, after that, final show will be October, the final show of the Prince of Germany tour will be in Zurich.

00:15:55: the capital of tax evasion billionaires who have sent their money abroad into Swiss bank accounts, where people, where people all own guns and all have joined the military.

00:16:11: And there's a great Johnny Harris YouTube video.

00:16:15: He's a great journalist who has taught, who really showcased like they have bunkers in the mountains and stuff like they have like hundreds and hundreds of kilometers of like tunnels and underground bunkers in the mountains.

00:16:29: That's off topic, but it's really crazy.

00:16:30: It's a really crazy video.

00:16:32: And he's a really smart journalist, so worth checking out.

00:16:35: Anyway, yeah, Zurich at the, let me put it back in German so I can pronounce the venues properly.

00:16:43: Yeah, Vienna, Flug, F-L-U-C-C, twenty first, but that's already gone.

00:16:48: Twenty third, the day of this release at the Maria Theresia.

00:16:53: Maria Teresia.

00:16:54: Maria Teresia.

00:16:59: On the twenty-third, yes, in Innsbruck.

00:17:00: And then Munich double show, five-thirty sold out.

00:17:03: There's some tickets for the.

00:17:04: nine-thirty.

00:17:05: opening act is Akash Pandey at the Werk Sieben, the work seven, and then in Zurich Zurich at the Papiersal, the paper room, which sounds like someone just put together like a small stage.

00:17:23: With the cheapest materials ever, but anyway, okay, so That is out of the way.

00:17:29: All right, so we're twelve minutes in and I've just been doing intros.

00:17:32: I'm sorry, but I have not done a recording in a while and I'm having a lot of fun actually and There's a lot of things to talk about.

00:17:39: So let's let's get into it, right?

00:17:41: Let's talk about the the tour so far thus far and how it has been going.

00:17:46: and Yeah, so The very first show of the tour was in Frankfurt at Frankfurt at the Jahrhundert Halle The yeah, I'm not gonna you know what.

00:18:01: I'm gonna stop translating Venue names because it's like trying to translate like someone's name being like Jeff.

00:18:09: It's just like why it doesn't matter.

00:18:11: It's just the name of the venue.

00:18:12: So in Frankfurt on the twelfth we started the tour at the Jahrhundert Halle and Man Alive.

00:18:20: Talk about getting your hopes up.

00:18:23: Talk about like the luckiest way to start a tour in the world.

00:18:29: And then realizing that you need to tell yourself that not every show is going to be like this.

00:18:35: Like it was so good that I thought, oh my god, this is too good to be true.

00:18:39: It's too great.

00:18:40: It's too perfect.

00:18:42: And I need to remind myself that it's like.

00:18:45: this is not how most things work.

00:18:49: It was too good.

00:18:49: It was too good.

00:18:51: Um, Frankfurt was all, I mean, I would say I'm surprised that it may have.

00:18:56: I'm surprised it wasn't sold out just from looking at the audience.

00:19:03: Frankfurt was interesting, but only for one special thing at the very end, which if you've seen my Instagram story, then you're going to know this thing already.

00:19:11: But just to get into it a little bit more, I arrived at the venue.

00:19:15: It was a smaller club room that was connected to a huge venue.

00:19:23: Basically imagine you you're going to like Some sort of like smaller arena style venue, but then connected to it is like clubs that are I mean, you know not too small.

00:19:36: I think it was like four hundred people or something.

00:19:38: but still you you know, it's like you're looking at this enormous location and then you can Go through this hallway and then you get to the smaller clubs under the same umbrella of this location.

00:19:51: So Frankfurt was really, really cool.

00:19:53: Really such a cool city, a great place to start.

00:19:57: I checked in my hotel and then I worked out that I should get to the venue.

00:20:04: I think soundtrack sounds.

00:20:07: I just I think I just ended like I said, Star Trek.

00:20:09: The sound check is usually around like five thirty or so.

00:20:14: And then which takes for me as a solo.

00:20:18: microphone using person.

00:20:21: it takes about three minutes.

00:20:23: but a big goal for me not just on this tour but generally like whenever I'm doing comedy shows is I don't want anybody waiting on me because a big thing for me is that people the team that I'm working with everyone from like the person setting out chairs to the person who owns the venue I make a big effort to shake everybody's hand, try and memorize their names.

00:20:56: It's a lot of people that I meet in these windows, but I want everyone to know that I really appreciate their time and that if they have, since they're working and I'm just doing this one show, but nothing before and nothing after, that if there's anything they need from me to specify that immediately, to not feel that they have to Wait around and like you know say oh no man You can go to your backstage take your time then maybe later.

00:21:23: We can bring you out for this.

00:21:25: No, I go in I shake everybody's hand.

00:21:27: I like to try and try and remember everybody's name, but it's tough and then And then and then just immediate.

00:21:35: I mean especially the sound.

00:21:36: the sound people like the sound designers men or women like just just to go in and say look You know if you're ready now for a soundcheck to get Anything you need from me out of the way.

00:21:47: I'm here now.

00:21:48: I can put my bag on the stage.

00:21:50: I don't have to go anywhere.

00:21:51: I don't have to do anything else.

00:21:52: I just want to make sure that you feel good about what you need from me and then when you're set then I can go relax, but I don't want to like I don't want you to I don't.

00:22:02: I don't like I don't like I can't chill.

00:22:06: It's not even like oh my god, Jordan.

00:22:08: You're like you're just being so nice.

00:22:09: I cannot relax if I know That there's something someone will need from me and they're too shy to ask Because they need to have something done before the show.

00:22:22: So I just especially on this tour.

00:22:24: I've just been storming in being like hello.

00:22:26: Oh, so nice to meet you.

00:22:27: Hey, thanks so much for being here like fist bumping like the janitors like just going in.

00:22:32: hi Oh, nice to meet you.

00:22:34: Nice to meet you.

00:22:34: Thanks for being here.

00:22:35: Thanks for being here and then When I meet the sound person just immediately asking like, what do you like, what do you need?

00:22:41: Are you ready for a sound check?

00:22:42: Would you want to do that now?

00:22:43: I can do that now.

00:22:45: And Frankfurt was such a wonderful, beautiful team.

00:22:50: Cool venue.

00:22:50: We, you know, came in, we kind of talked together about the arrangement of the lighting setup.

00:22:59: And I've been making a playlist for the songs that that play.

00:23:05: As people come in from the doors to get their seats so that it's like a nice atmosphere.

00:23:10: There's a bar You know so on and so forth like I said was saying before or as I've said before every show on this tour is seated sadly except Austria in Switzerland.

00:23:24: that was kind of tough because it's really hard to like get these venues on the scale that I'm at currently.

00:23:31: so Sorry, Austria and Switzerland.

00:23:34: This is still a standing thing, but I'm going to try and make it worth your time.

00:23:37: But Munich, of course, is seated.

00:23:39: It's a really nice venue.

00:23:40: Anyway, so Frankfurt was really cool.

00:23:44: Great team.

00:23:45: Here's the crazy story, right?

00:23:46: So after every single show I do, from the first comedy special or the first comedy show that I did, January, I think it was January, I haven't posted it, but I've posted clips.

00:24:06: From that very first one, I will always and have no intention of changing this, but I will always do a meet and greet with people that bought tickets, you know?

00:24:22: So I finished the show.

00:24:25: And I tell everybody that I'm gonna go back, thank you so much for coming.

00:24:31: If you have to go home, I understand.

00:24:33: I think it was a Sunday.

00:24:34: If you have to go home, I'm just so deeply grateful that you were there and get home safe and thank you for being here.

00:24:42: But if you wanna stick around, I'm gonna go backstage and have some water and pee or whatever.

00:24:47: and then I'm gonna come back out and then because of the book.

00:24:53: We have like an affiliate from every city on the tour at a local bookstore who carries my book showing up with a certain amount of books and selling them.

00:25:05: And I was like, I'm gonna come back out like five minutes or ten minutes and I'll be by the book people and we can take a photo or shake hands or just chit chat for a sec.

00:25:19: So I come back out and then the Frankfurt Line is pretty long, I have to say.

00:25:23: Frankfurt Line is pretty long and it's really nice people for the most part.

00:25:29: And I'm going through, it's very tough for me to like hustle people on.

00:25:36: I borderline wish that someone would stand there next to me to be like, all right, time's up because I'm too nice and I can't do that.

00:25:44: You know, someone could be like, let me tell you about where I grew up.

00:25:48: When I was five years old, my father took us to a carnival in Sri Lanka.

00:26:00: You know, entertainment.

00:26:02: And then, it's sounding like I'm making fun of the kind people that come to my show.

00:26:07: I'm not, but it's just like, they could tell me literally anything.

00:26:11: They could show me their high school.

00:26:17: They could show me their report cards from high school and I would sit there going no way.

00:26:23: a B plus in Advanced Calculus.

00:26:27: you're a genius like I would never push anybody away.

00:26:31: I'm getting a little better.

00:26:33: At like when there's just the smallest pause like sometimes people show up and you can read immediately that there's something they want to say.

00:26:41: but the people who show up and they're not Really sure what to say.

00:26:45: They're almost hoping that I guide them.

00:26:47: I can I can read that thankfully.

00:26:50: so sometimes they're just like yeah well I'm from Maryland and my husband here.

00:26:56: He's from Cairo and Then I can be like oh, that's great.

00:26:59: Oh, that's so nice and you guys live here.

00:27:01: Yeah for work And then I can go like you guys want to take a picture and then it just flows, you know.

00:27:09: But it's a lot of people.

00:27:10: so we're really going through all the very kind people that bought books and I'm signing books and taking photos and everything.

00:27:17: It's really nice.

00:27:18: So I'm getting towards the end of the line.

00:27:24: And at the very, very end of the line, there is an interesting collection of people.

00:27:31: There's an interesting group.

00:27:33: I should just put it that way.

00:27:35: The group is... I'm just reliving it now and it's so insane because I made an Instagram story about this, but... Excuse me the group is a Collection of four people.

00:27:50: It's four people and they do not seem to fit together at all.

00:27:56: They wait till the very very very very very end and as they approach Behind them are the security guards and they are like full-on elbow leaning on a nearby table.

00:28:09: You can tell man.

00:28:11: I don't think people expected that there'd be a big meet-and-greet.

00:28:14: I feel bad that the staff maybe has to stay longer than they wanted to.

00:28:19: So I'm going to, so I tell them, Hey guys, thank you so much for waiting around so long.

00:28:24: Oh my God, you're the last in line.

00:28:25: I really appreciate that you stuck it out expecting like a book signing or a photo or just a quick thing.

00:28:30: And then I look past them at the guards and go, Hey guys, this is the last group.

00:28:34: Thanks so much for working so hard, man.

00:28:36: Like, you know, thanks boys.

00:28:37: You know, whatever.

00:28:38: I just try to make everyone just that they understand I'm not like.

00:28:43: Ignoring that they're putting time in you know.

00:28:46: So then the group.

00:28:47: the group is easily a woman in her.

00:28:52: I would say okay, so she is a woman with very intense red hair who is easily fifty forty seven forty eight.

00:29:07: The only weird thing is that she's with three.

00:29:10: so she's a white lady with like fire red hair touching fifty around her.

00:29:16: three boys maybe nineteen all different nationalities and they ain't they they.

00:29:26: I was gonna say they ain't white but that sounds really disgusting.

00:29:29: I was just gonna say they are all different nationalities of some sort of beautiful brown right.

00:29:36: so my the the thing is not about that the thing is I my instinct was oh this is their mom.

00:29:42: maybe they're all like mixed race kids who found me on TikTok or something and asked their mom to bring them.

00:29:53: Eighteen, nineteen, right?

00:29:54: So but and then I thought, oh, you know what this might be?

00:29:57: OK, because they because the way they interacted with each other was a bit strange.

00:30:00: I was like, you know what this might be?

00:30:01: This might be like the caretaker of like a youth hostel or like not like not an orphanage.

00:30:11: But like, you know, I felt that this maybe this is like a youth.

00:30:17: What do you call it?

00:30:19: Oh my God, it does not matter.

00:30:21: A place where they take care of young people.

00:30:24: And this might be like someone who, like a principal or a teacher or someone who's in charge of it and they had seen my stuff online and they maybe asked if they could go.

00:30:34: So, oh a social worker, social worker.

00:30:39: That's what I was thinking of.

00:30:39: I thought maybe it's a social worker and this is like three, you know, older teens in her like youth, you know.

00:30:47: group, a youth house that they can't, you know, whatever.

00:30:51: So all of that went immediately out the window when the first and only words out of her mouth as the three young boys kept their hoodies on and their hands in their pockets, making very strange glances at each other was this, you know, when this fifty year old red haired white skinned lady leaned into me and was like, you want a party?

00:31:19: You like to party?

00:31:24: You want to party?

00:31:26: Weird.

00:31:27: What?

00:31:29: What is that constellation?

00:31:32: What is that constellation?

00:31:34: What is that group?

00:31:35: What is that group now?

00:31:38: I do not understand anything now.

00:31:41: She's there with three teenagers and they don't talk.

00:31:46: It's almost like they're bodyguards.

00:31:47: They're like giggling and smirking at each other and I don't feel safe.

00:31:53: That's weird.

00:31:54: That's the, that's weird as hell.

00:31:58: I mean, what?

00:32:01: Not like, look, I'm not a crazy party animal kind of guy.

00:32:05: I've grown up.

00:32:07: I'm, I've also never really been like a crazy party guy, but you know, if just the three young dudes had popped up and been like, Hey man, love the show.

00:32:19: You want to get high.

00:32:20: I would have felt so comfortable being like, dude, that's so nice of you to ask.

00:32:25: Thanks for coming to the show.

00:32:28: Not really my thing, but thanks for asking.

00:32:31: Do you guys want to take a picture?

00:32:32: The fact that she, like, spoke for them and did one of those double over-the-shoulder looks to make sure the security guards didn't hear her?

00:32:44: Ew.

00:32:46: Weird.

00:32:47: Now I think she's a trafficker.

00:32:51: And then I thought that was such an unrealistic thing for her to ask.

00:32:56: I thought that that's no way, there's no way I heard that.

00:32:59: So I went like, ha ha ha, yeah right.

00:33:03: Anyway, yeah guys, I had no idea that she, I don't even know if they had or had not seen the show.

00:33:11: In like, in full honesty, I do not know if they saw the show.

00:33:16: And, I made the joke.

00:33:20: I laughed, you know, like, okay, where's the offer for like signing a book or a photo here?

00:33:26: I'm alone.

00:33:27: I'm kind of alone in this giant room with these three people or four people.

00:33:31: And then she leaned in again and was like, no, but for real, she was like, look, she's doing the over the shoulder looks, which is not a good look.

00:33:38: And then she was like, you want to get high.

00:33:44: And I was like, no.

00:33:48: I don't, I don't grandmother from the movie weapons that just came out.

00:33:54: Like, no, I don't want to get my soul snatched by a magic witch tree that will turn me into a zombie.

00:34:02: I don't want to have my, I don't want to be stabbing my face with forks, lady.

00:34:06: If you've seen the movie weapons, you get that, but like, oh my God, that was so weird.

00:34:10: That was so weird.

00:34:12: And it made me so uncomfortable that I had trouble saying, No, no, thanks.

00:34:18: Appreciate it.

00:34:19: Got an early train in the morning because I'm too nice and that's my curse.

00:34:23: So I was like, uh, I don't know.

00:34:25: Yeah, I will see, you know, maybe what do you guys, what do you guys, what are you guys thinking?

00:34:28: What are you guys going to go do?

00:34:30: And then she, again, three, three, nineteen year old boys of different nationalities, not talking.

00:34:37: That's so creepy.

00:34:39: And then she's leaning in closer to me and then she's just like, yeah, well.

00:34:46: We're gonna wait outside for you.

00:34:48: and I was like sounds great.

00:34:51: All right, can't wait be there on the double.

00:34:58: So they go outside and then I immediately ran over to the woman in charge of the venue and I was like I'm uncomfortable.

00:35:09: She was like the same age as the other lady, but like, you know normal and kind and sweet.

00:35:13: and then there was a couple of people probably like twenty five working for her a girl and a guy.

00:35:18: and I told them was like, did you guys see that last group?

00:35:20: They were like, yeah, that was weird, right?

00:35:21: And I was like, yes, that was so weird.

00:35:23: And I was like, they asked me they're waiting for me outside.

00:35:27: They like, I don't know if they're going to like give me a roofie or like, I don't know, steal my passport or something.

00:35:33: I don't know what's going on.

00:35:34: I was like, this just.

00:35:35: I was like, it's not one of those things where someone your age goes like, hey, man, you want to share a joint, which you can comfortably say, no, I'm good, man.

00:35:44: I think I'm all right.

00:35:45: You know, it was just like this weird thing of, oh, I'm being cornered now.

00:35:51: And I did not like that feeling.

00:35:52: And they were so cool.

00:35:54: And they basically told the security guards to just go outside and tell these people that they can't wait in the parking lot.

00:36:00: They're like, yeah, you can't wait here.

00:36:02: So they shuffled off like down the street.

00:36:04: and then the woman in charge of the venue drove me to my hotel.

00:36:10: How nice is that?

00:36:12: That was so sweet, right?

00:36:14: So, Frankfurt was a great show, a great show, and then that weird moment, and then it ended really nice, so I'm thankful for that.

00:36:24: Yeah, I think man, I wish I could do longer longer episodes right now, but cologne was also very very very fun.

00:36:31: great crowd beautiful venue a venue called the Gloria gorgeous beautiful lights great sound great team Just wonderful sound designer wonderful venue runner like you know people at the promoters Just not a single bad soul inside.

00:36:48: and then Hamburg really really fun.

00:36:51: also beautiful venue again like just you know Auburn lights with like a blue deep blue skylight of like the autumn moon rising.

00:37:01: and I was worried mostly about Hamburg being a tougher crowd just because it's you know kind of almost famously known in the north of like being kind of a tough tough crowd.

00:37:15: but it was just a really fun time like you know there's maybe like a ten fifteen minute warm-up period but then it was just so Great.

00:37:23: Such sweet kind people.

00:37:26: And then, uh, yeah, it was then after that was, uh, Berlin, which was really interesting.

00:37:34: I think, you know, I had a, I, the Berlin staff again was, you know, very kind people and it was a sold out show, completely packed out show.

00:37:43: And I had some friends who arrived and, um, I think I did well, and I think my opener Ludwig Benekie, I think he did very well.

00:37:52: He's really funny.

00:37:54: But after the show, we talked a bit and we were like, man, that was kind of a tough crowd to break through with.

00:38:00: And I think it was, I mean, you know, I think it was just like a venue choice.

00:38:03: I don't think like there's nothing wrong with what anybody necessarily did.

00:38:07: The only, my only complaint about like what maybe the staff could have done better is there was the sound person who didn't quite get the concept of when no one is on or around the stage, music should always be playing so that people feel free to talk loudly.

00:38:23: catch up with their friends get a beer go to the bathroom but you know if you're sitting in like a seated or a seated theater area and the music's there's no music and it was pretty bad where I had to like kind of convince them.

00:38:43: please play this playlist I've made and then before my opener was about to go on stage the music was already stopped way before I gave any sort of signal and I was like oh Crap we have to start now that how long have they been waiting in silence?

00:38:56: That's so weird You know.

00:38:58: and then I brought up my opener.

00:39:00: Oh side note funny story.

00:39:01: I'm in the hallway in Berlin and this You know pretty Asian woman maybe like late twenties mid-twenties Comes by and she looks at me and she had bought a ticket for my show.

00:39:14: So I thought oh she did a double take at me because maybe she's not used to seeing the main performer You know before showtime because I wanted to introduce my opener.

00:39:24: And she's like, hey, and then I thought, oh, she's gonna say something like, what are you doing out here?

00:39:30: Or, hey, I'm so excited for your show.

00:39:33: And I was like, oh, hi.

00:39:34: And she goes, you're a lot fatter in real life than you look in your videos.

00:39:39: And then like, thirty people in this hallway all went, what?

00:39:46: Like as if I don't know that like I know I've gained weight, but like Jesus Christ you're gonna show up at my show.

00:39:53: You're gonna pay thirty bucks to come see me at a sold-out show.

00:39:57: Have a moment to talk to me one-on-one for just a minute in the hallway before I perform and instead of saying something like Can't wait to see your show.

00:40:05: We're like, what are you doing out here?

00:40:07: Break a leg.

00:40:07: What if she's like you're pretty fat tubs?

00:40:11: Then I just I remember like looking at the opener and his his man.

00:40:14: his jaw was wide open his eyes were bugging out.

00:40:17: He's like What you know and even the venue owner was like oh my god, and then I just remember telling her like I guess Thanks, that's the first.

00:40:27: that's a really cool thing to say before I start enjoy the show.

00:40:31: And then I went on stage to introduce the opener and I was like, I have two things to say.

00:40:35: One is I am just so excited to introduce this opening act.

00:40:39: He's a great comic from right here in Berlin.

00:40:40: His name is Ludwig Benekie.

00:40:42: And I'm so grateful for everyone who spent their hard earned money to be here for this show.

00:40:45: And I hope you have a lot of fun and you can let, you know, life's troubles, you know, disappear from your, from your mind for, you know, an hour and a half or so.

00:40:54: Second thing is some lady in the hallway said, Hey, you look fatter in real life than you do in your videos.

00:41:00: And I was like, and I really hope wherever she is in here that she feels really, really embarrassed.

00:41:07: Ladies and gentlemen, Ludwig Benekie.

00:41:12: Now, you know, was it the right choice?

00:41:14: I don't know.

00:41:16: Was it the right thing to do?

00:41:17: I don't know.

00:41:18: When I was backstage with Ludwig before he went on, he told me I should do that.

00:41:24: And you know what?

00:41:26: I'm happy I did.

00:41:27: I'm happy I did.

00:41:28: Because it wasn't like it was me.

00:41:29: It wasn't like.

00:41:29: I went on stage and was like, where is she?

00:41:32: Where is she?

00:41:33: Let's start a riot.

00:41:33: Let's pick her out and tell her that she's a really bad person.

00:41:37: It was just like, hey, you got to know that that's not cool.

00:41:39: You know, like, did it hurt extra that she was pretty?

00:41:44: Uh, sure it did.

00:41:45: You know, if she, you know, if she had been like some like Sasquatch person, I would have been like, uh, okay, I. think we should take a look in the mirror before we start talking about who's a chunker over here because I accept the chunker lifestyle.

00:42:06: I embrace the chunker lifestyle.

00:42:08: I'm very open about it.

00:42:09: And you know what?

00:42:10: It's it's how I start my show of this tour.

00:42:13: I talk about that I'm a big guy and that I've gained some weight because it's.

00:42:18: it's funny, man.

00:42:20: But it's just it's.

00:42:21: but it's different when you're like some slender skinny pretty woman and you're like hey and you're like oh hi and they're like what happened to you?

00:42:29: tub chunker.

00:42:31: hey pudding.

00:42:34: hey you pudding pounder.

00:42:36: hey sludge.

00:42:37: hey sludge slicker.

00:42:39: you got enough ice cream back there in the backstage blubber butt.

00:42:44: hey chunkster they got you enough.

00:42:47: uh they got you couple of large double XL peaches back there with some Ben and Jerry's blubber butt.

00:42:59: Part of me also, I have to understand also, I've been living out of the US for a while, which is very beneficial when it comes to seeing that there's a lot of cultures out there.

00:43:13: Sorry Americans, I hate to break the news to you.

00:43:16: tons of different people out there with a lot of different cultures.

00:43:18: And sometimes there are just cultures that focus on focus on different things.

00:43:25: And that even if they're not being mean, it's just like, you know, like German, for example, Germans will be like, you're drinking Kors light, but why don't you just pee in a cup?

00:43:36: You psycho, you know, because for them, Germans is just like, Oh, well, you have to follow the German beer law that we've had for you know, whatever it is, eight hundred years, a thousand years, because otherwise you're just drinking spit, my guy.

00:43:51: So if you think of it that way, you know, she was Asian.

00:43:55: And again, I speak stereotypes about Germans.

00:44:00: I speak stereotypes about the States because that's what I'm familiar with.

00:44:03: So please, I help.

00:44:04: no one that is Asian or connected to any Asian culture takes this the wrong way because this is what I've heard or understood from other people.

00:44:13: It's not something I'm making up.

00:44:14: But I have heard that a lot of Asian cultures puts a lot of emphasis on being healthy and fit and thin.

00:44:22: You know, that's just what I've heard.

00:44:23: So, you know, it's not my, I'm not making that up.

00:44:25: So, you know, it is what it is.

00:44:28: And even my opener was like, you know what?

00:44:31: I don't know if she meant to really hurt your feelings, but it's still, she didn't get that that sounds rude.

00:44:38: So it's like double, it's like, it's a double package in the mail.

00:44:42: Cause you're like, oh, the first package is, oh, that's really rude, which can be funny, which I will use to be funny.

00:44:49: And the other package is like, oh, I just learned something about a different culture.

00:44:54: so I'm also I'm learning and I'm making fun of you for You know, maybe unintentionally coming off awful, but you know what?

00:45:03: It is what it is.

00:45:04: I'm a big dude.

00:45:04: I've gained weight in the last year.

00:45:06: I know that though, you know, you don't see.

00:45:09: I don't see people like making comments on Brennan Lee Mulligan's Uh, you know, uh, videos on dropout TV clips on TikTok.

00:45:18: I mean, I feel like I've just basically spoken code to a lot of listeners here.

00:45:23: Uh, Brandon Lee Mulligan is an extremely, extremely talented, uh, comedian who, uh, yeah.

00:45:30: Anyway, he's a funny guy and he's gained some weight, but I, I've noticed like something like you watch this person, but like, I don't care if he balloons up to the size of a, of a Goodyear blimp, dude.

00:45:43: I couldn't care less as long as his brain is intact and he's not ruining his brain.

00:45:48: He's so funny and so smart.

00:45:50: And it's just, it's just that, I don't know, I'm focusing too much on this.

00:45:54: Cause it was just the clash of like, oh, I'm in this, I'm in a sold out venue.

00:46:00: You have spent thirty euros on this ticket.

00:46:04: You have this rare, it sounds like I'm like Taylor Swift when I say this, but like, you have a rare opportunity to like have a moment with me.

00:46:12: in a hallway before I even go on stage.

00:46:14: I'm open.

00:46:15: Hello.

00:46:16: I'm not hiding backstage.

00:46:17: I'm here in the hallway.

00:46:18: I'm talking to my opener.

00:46:20: I'm very happy that you're here.

00:46:22: Thanks for buying a ticket.

00:46:23: And the only thing you say is like, hey, Chubster, you sure do look more like a dump truck than you do on the TV.

00:46:32: Hey, think about the.

00:46:34: think about your sentences before you say them.

00:46:38: That's a think about sentences.

00:46:41: You know what?

00:46:43: This is a hot take, everybody.

00:46:45: But how about you?

00:46:46: think about what you're gonna say before your blubbering mouth farts it out?

00:46:53: Have you guys thought about that?

00:46:55: Maybe that's a hot take.

00:46:56: I don't know, but I'm just saying.

00:46:59: Because I've, you know, it's like when you, for example, you are walking down the street and you accidentally bump shoulders with someone and maybe you think it's their fault, right?

00:47:12: Maybe it is their fault, but you turn around and they have... In the vein of a James Bond villain they have a scar across one eye and that eyeball is not there anymore and then the other eyeball is like missing color because maybe they've like been just so.

00:47:30: they're like they're like handicapped right scar across one eye the other one's blind.

00:47:34: they have like I don't know.

00:47:37: instead of one arm it's like an octopus like limb with like these suction cups.

00:47:41: they keep peeling off of the sidewalk And, you know, they have, like, patches of hair and, like, burn scars across their jaw.

00:47:49: Do I think that this lady from the concert would call out their appearance first?

00:47:55: I do now.

00:47:58: But, you know, most people don't.

00:48:01: Most people, if they're... Oh, wait.

00:48:05: To make it a better example, that one-eyed octopus villain... would have to be someone that you're going.

00:48:12: you're paying a ticket to see in concert.

00:48:14: so this says like Justin Bieber and he has a scar like a pirate scar and an octopus arm and the other arm has a crutch because one of his feet is basically a spaghetti noodle that was overcooked.

00:48:29: if it's if i'm seeing Justin Bieber in concert and he looks like a noodle octopus pirate i'm not going to be like.

00:48:35: hey man you look a little more octopussy than you do in your videos.

00:48:41: I'm gonna be like, hey man, love your voice.

00:48:46: Love that song.

00:48:47: Baby, baby, baby, oh.

00:48:49: You know what I mean?

00:48:51: Like.

00:48:51: I'm not gonna be like, oh my god, you're Pirate Bieber.

00:48:55: You're, this is so absurd.

00:48:58: You're not gonna see Pirate Bieber with his octopus arm and his spaghetti noodle leg and his crutches and be like, you look like garbage.

00:49:07: You should be garbage beaver.

00:49:08: You should garbage bin.

00:49:12: You know what I mean?

00:49:13: If you're seeing someone for their talent, who cares, man?

00:49:18: Anyway, you can tell that she got to me.

00:49:20: You know what?

00:49:21: I'm a transparent mofo.

00:49:24: She got to me.

00:49:24: She got to me.

00:49:25: It was a bad thing to say before I performed.

00:49:27: If I was in line... After I performed and I had felt that the show had gone very well and then she said hey tubs You know you got a few more LB's on you than it looks like in your videos.

00:49:41: I would have been like thanks for waiting in line.

00:49:45: You suck No, I'm not signing your book.

00:49:48: And then I would like rip it.

00:49:49: You know what I mean?

00:49:50: I would just be like, wow, that's a I would just tell her to if I just performed and I felt good about it.

00:49:54: And then she said it in line at the meet and greet.

00:49:56: I would have just been like, you know, I don't know if you get this.

00:49:59: Maybe you're kind of slow.

00:50:00: That's a really rude thing to say out loud to people.

00:50:03: And you should reconsider how you think you talk to people.

00:50:06: Maybe it would have done that in all honesty.

00:50:08: I know everyone's just like thinking of the George Costanza thing from signed up where it's like thinking of the comeback where you're like Hey, the jerk store called, they ran out of you.

00:50:19: But I do feel, because to her face in the moment, I was like, wow, that's a thing to, like, you know, that's, I think, I guess.

00:50:26: And I was like, that's a weird way to start my night, you know?

00:50:30: I wasn't intimidated by her.

00:50:32: So maybe after the show.

00:50:33: I would have been even a bit more blunt.

00:50:36: But what a thing to say when you're like, I have just spent money that I worked for, unless it's like inheritance money, which is a whole different thing.

00:50:44: But like, if she works at a cafe, forty hours a week, minimum wage, which still in Germany or in Europe, or most of the world, still a lot better than America.

00:50:55: But let's say she's making money, she's paying rent, right?

00:50:58: And then she sees the guy she spent thirty bucks on.

00:51:03: And she's like, hey, Hey chubber your blubber butts leaking out your muffin tops, you know sneaking out of your sweater there Puttin boy.

00:51:15: Hey pizza pants Your salami sweats dripping on the floor.

00:51:19: chupster, you know I mean I'm being I'm being so much more mean than she was she just but she did say the word fat.

00:51:25: you look a lot fatter.

00:51:28: Then you look a lot fatter than you do in your videos.

00:51:33: There's always the excuse of that, you know, maybe she doesn't get that that word sucks That's mean.

00:51:40: It's harsh, you know, but what would have been in what you know, but what would have been a nice word?

00:51:44: What it?

00:51:46: what could have possibly been, you know, she even if I mean the thing is at the end of the day if even if she'd said You look a lot bigger What's the goal?

00:51:57: What's the end goal?

00:51:58: What is the end goal?

00:51:59: You can tell she got to me, right?

00:52:00: You can tell that I've thought about this for days.

00:52:02: What is the end goal?

00:52:04: You look bigger.

00:52:05: You look chubbier.

00:52:07: You look thicker.

00:52:08: You look fatter.

00:52:09: You look unhealthier.

00:52:13: You look rounder than, uh, you know what I mean?

00:52:16: Like what's, but like, what is the motivation there?

00:52:18: What did she, what did, my, my questions, what did she think I was going to say?

00:52:25: I would love to pick her brain about this.

00:52:27: I mean, I'd love to thump her in front of a moving train, but also like what?

00:52:32: I don't mean that, but I'd love to pick her brain up with that.

00:52:35: What did she think I was gonna say?

00:52:37: Oh my gosh, really?

00:52:39: Thank you so much for telling me.

00:52:42: Ugh, I just don't have enough honest friends in my life, you know?

00:52:45: And myself, honestly, I have body blindness.

00:52:48: So even when I look in the mirror, I just see Channing Tatum.

00:52:52: And I mean, magic might Channing Tatum.

00:52:55: I see Prime Channing Tatum, so.

00:52:58: It's just a miracle to have a complete stranger in my life that I bumped into in a hallway before I perform a sixty-five minute comedy show that I'm nervous to do that someone can really just tell me the truth that I'm a big mayonnaise ball of crap and then I'm gonna go out there and try and make you laugh.

00:53:15: Hope you have a good show.

00:53:16: Thanks so much.

00:53:16: What's the goal?

00:53:18: That's crazy.

00:53:21: Anyway, I spent a lot of time on this hoe.

00:53:24: I mean, you can tell it really, you can tell it really scratched me.

00:53:27: But for those, I mean, I know people are listening and wondering if maybe I'm actually upset.

00:53:33: I'm, this makes me feel good.

00:53:34: This is my therapy.

00:53:35: Going through it and like joking about it makes me feel good.

00:53:37: So don't worry.

00:53:38: And I've told so many friends about this and they all have commented like, Dude, what was this psycho doing?

00:53:46: telling you this when she bought a ticket to your show and she's there to see you and then before you go on and you have all this pressure in your brain of doing a good show for her?

00:53:56: Yeah, I've already said that.

00:53:57: So anyway.

00:53:59: So, Frankfurt was great.

00:54:02: Cologne was great.

00:54:04: Hamburg was an interesting start, but ended up being really, really, really great.

00:54:09: No complaints.

00:54:11: Berlin, interesting venue.

00:54:13: I don't know that I would go there again, but the team was really wonderful.

00:54:17: And besides this absolute stone cold piece of shit.

00:54:26: I genuinely loved the crowd at the very end.

00:54:30: I have this big story in this tour and There's there's either.

00:54:35: there's usually a point about halfway through my show where I feel like got them In tougher cities like Hamburg.

00:54:41: I felt like at that halfway point.

00:54:43: I was like, oh They're just putty in my hands.

00:54:47: You know what I mean?

00:54:49: And in Frankfurt and Cologne, I felt that much earlier, like almost immediately.

00:54:52: It was really great.

00:54:53: Hamburg was tougher, but then I knew at the halfway point, now we're on the same page and it was flowing really well.

00:54:59: And then Berlin was a bit tougher.

00:55:03: I really felt bad for my opening act Ludwig Benekie, because he's such a funny guy.

00:55:10: Please check him out, by the way.

00:55:13: His handle online is at Ludwig, like Ludwig, L-U-D.

00:55:18: WIG Ludwig comedy at Ludwig comedy.

00:55:21: He's great.

00:55:21: He's really great.

00:55:22: He does comedy in English and in German and Such a nice guy.

00:55:26: so nice to meet him and hang out with him.

00:55:28: and Now that that's done.

00:55:31: I have had some time off like a couple of days here in Munich.

00:55:35: and Then yeah, like I said, then I will leave for Or wait, no, wait.

00:55:43: Yeah, hamburger then brilliant.

00:55:44: I was looking at the dates here.

00:55:45: I was like something looks wrong, but I it's all it's all good.

00:55:48: uh yeah so i will uh as of this recording do vienna uh tomorrow with kyle van carven and then insbruck.

00:55:59: uh wish me luck wish me luck.

00:56:02: let's see where that goes.

00:56:03: who knows it's?

00:56:05: uh not great sales.

00:56:07: i would say insbruck is like.

00:56:08: i mean you know what you know what's an interesting thing to an interesting thing just to tell people because i think a lot of people don't know this.

00:56:15: so The opening act Ludwig for the Berlin show we were talking about the business of doing comedy.

00:56:24: Something.

00:56:24: if he learned from my from us talking was something that I realized because he didn't know this because he's a he's a good comic and he's been working a lot is Something I thought people knew but they don't and so I was really happy that we could talk about it because I think this is an important thing to know.

00:56:41: let's say that.

00:56:43: let's say that I'm doing one concert.

00:56:46: right and imagine it's not the tour.

00:56:48: Let's just say I'm doing one show So You have to.

00:56:55: I think I've talked about this already.

00:56:57: So sorry if I already have but let's say that I'm doing one show.

00:57:01: you have to basically Buy the venue So you have to outright.

00:57:08: It's rent.

00:57:08: It's a rental.

00:57:09: you have to basically outright upfront before you have any understanding of what the ticket sales will be.

00:57:16: you have to rent the venue.

00:57:20: And because now I'm doing seated locations, it costs more.

00:57:25: That's why last year's tour was smaller and it was standing only, which Vienna and sadly Switzerland, they both are still standing.

00:57:34: because there's just, it's just too expensive to get seated places.

00:57:37: It's expensive.

00:57:38: You have to rent the location.

00:57:40: You outright upfront say, Hey, you need to have a sound guy, you need to have like a venue runner, you need to have people doing the chairs, like da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

00:57:50: So there's an agreement, there's a contract between the agency, my agency, and this particular venue, and so you rent it.

00:57:58: There's an agreed upon cost of the labor and the time, because obviously you have to pay the bills.

00:58:03: You have electricity, you have the labor costs, you have the, you know, the whatever, you get it.

00:58:10: Yeah, so.

00:58:12: That's like an outright upfront cost.

00:58:14: So if I'm doing one show because I don't want people to think that like if Everyone's paying thirty bucks for a ticket that I'm getting thirty bucks a ticket That is very much not the case and I wanted to make this clear because I was surprised that the comedian didn't know this.

00:58:34: so that tells me that like the average person who's not in the business definitely doesn't know this.

00:58:40: So this is maybe just some insider baseball information for you.

00:58:44: I'm doing this tour.

00:58:46: So this is how the money is divvied up.

00:58:50: Let's say that the venue in Berlin I think was like two hundred eighty tickets maybe two fifty.

00:58:58: So the agency rents the venue.

00:59:03: We put the tickets up let's say for like thirty one euros or thirty euros.

00:59:08: And the agency that puts up the tickets has a contract through a major ticket distribution organization like Eventim or Ticketmaster, right?

00:59:22: Because those are international, like Ticketmaster.

00:59:27: Ours are through Eventim.

00:59:29: Like an event, I am Eventim.

00:59:32: So also on top of all this, you have a ticket cost Eventim.

00:59:37: ads fees.

00:59:38: So you're already asking people to pay more than you'd like as the artist.

00:59:42: I don't like Eventim or Ticketmaster.

00:59:46: In fact, years ago, I was so impressed.

00:59:49: When I was in college, I was really impressed with the fact that Louis C. K., before he got in trouble and all that stuff, And I think he still does it, but like he, no, no, he still doesn't like do the bad thing, but like he, what he does.

01:00:03: that I respected was that he was so against the extra crazy fees that event him and Ticketmaster charge that he was selling tickets exclusively through his website.

01:00:16: And I have downloaded comedy specials of his through his website directly.

01:00:21: It's almost like a Patreon site.

01:00:23: So it's like, you know, just consumer to creator.

01:00:27: And that's great.

01:00:28: And he was doing that at such a huge level of fame.

01:00:30: that was really impressive.

01:00:32: Now, here I am much, much, much, much smaller.

01:00:36: Eventim is running the ticket sales.

01:00:38: So they add a fee.

01:00:39: So there's a fee that I don't see at all.

01:00:42: From that fee, there's the rest of the ticket, which is just gross, right?

01:00:47: So not, but it's before tax.

01:00:50: From that, we have basically cut the... The income of the general ticket, I'm trying to think of the best terminology here.

01:01:02: We've basically said, okay, event and what gets their fee, gives us mandatory, unfortunately.

01:01:11: From that, let's say the concert sells out.

01:01:16: So there's all this money on top that I will never see and I'll never think about again.

01:01:20: I'll never hear about it.

01:01:22: Then, from the tickets that did sell, We have rented the venue, right?

01:01:29: So there's a nearly fifty percent split between, if the whole thing sells out, you can basically just put fifty percent of the money spent by the consumer back to the venue because you've rented it, you've paid for the venue.

01:01:48: So that money goes to the venue for the labor costs and for the taxes and for the electricity and the bar license and all that stuff.

01:01:56: So now you're at like, fifty percent of gross before tax after the distributor cost.

01:02:04: Then from that, the agency that I work with takes twenty percent.

01:02:14: So then from that half, you have twenty percent taken out.

01:02:19: Then from that, then I'm paying taxes.

01:02:24: Which is, you know, all fine and good.

01:02:26: Pay your taxes, everybody.

01:02:27: All fine and good.

01:02:28: But it's a lot.

01:02:29: Sure.

01:02:30: Cool.

01:02:30: But it's a good city, good infrastructure.

01:02:32: I like, I will pay taxes in Germany.

01:02:34: It's, it's a good, it's, it, you can see the result of it in a lot of countries.

01:02:39: Maybe you don't in America.

01:02:40: I don't really see it, but here you see the result of Texas.

01:02:43: So boom, pay.

01:02:45: So you're getting, I'm getting as the, as the creator of the show with the name on the sign.

01:02:54: Significantly less than fifty percent of the sales, you know because I think in Berlin you look at like I Forgot the math.

01:03:02: I think it was like two sixty or two eighty.

01:03:05: I think the ticket sale was something like thirty or thirty one.

01:03:09: So that's what like what eight over eight thousand.

01:03:13: Let me just do it here.

01:03:14: Let's let's just do an estimation.

01:03:16: So let's say it's two eighty times thirty one.

01:03:20: So that's eight thousand six eighty.

01:03:23: I am not getting that.

01:03:27: I am not getting that.

01:03:28: So let's just cut that in half, right?

01:03:29: So divide it by two.

01:03:31: So you got four, three, forty.

01:03:32: From that, U times point twenty.

01:03:39: So minus four, three, forty.

01:03:42: So then you got three, you got like thirty four hundred.

01:03:45: Then you have, I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting as well.

01:03:50: But then you have your taxes.

01:03:54: Yeah minus three four seven two.

01:03:59: Oh No, I did my math wrong crap.

01:04:01: I also I all.

01:04:02: it's also like an hour and a half to go but basically just for people to know the business.

01:04:06: it's I Don't know.

01:04:08: I don't know why I felt compelled to just say that at the end here, but it's really it's not like.

01:04:13: It's not like in Berlin.

01:04:14: you have two hundred eighty seats at like thirty one euros a ticket and I'm walking away with like nearly nine K Not at all.

01:04:22: So I am grateful for every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every single ticket that we sell.

01:04:30: Because it really genuinely, you know, it's not like it all goes to me.

01:04:35: And that's just how the business is.

01:04:37: And that's how this game works.

01:04:39: It's just, it's just the biz, man.

01:04:40: Like people need to, you know, they have to pay their rent and they have to like get their they have to get their bag and they have to pay their taxes too.

01:04:46: and it's just how it is and it's just something.

01:04:48: it's also.

01:04:48: it's just interesting for me to learn and I'm really happy to be transparent about that stuff because it's also like.

01:04:52: I didn't know that Ludwig didn't know that and the fact that I think he's such a great comic and he didn't know that I felt like there was a small thing that my dumb ass could help teach him about.

01:05:05: and the fact that if I can ever teach anybody anything I don't know makes me feel good inside.

01:05:10: but anyway look guys.

01:05:12: uh by the time yeah like i've said before many many times i will have done vana already.

01:05:16: i'm gonna be in insbrook uh the day of this recording october twenty third.

01:05:19: get your tickets then.

01:05:20: double show uh munich.

01:05:22: early show twenty fifth five thirty sold out munich twenty fifth uh almost sold out the nine thirty show and then xeric twenty seventh.

01:05:30: so please go have fun i love you.

01:05:31: bye bye Artsy Fartzy.

01:05:49: Immigrants, a podcast by John Prince and Moritz Badscheider, produced for M.