00:00:03: Ladies and gentlemen welcome back and newcomers welcome in to a brand new episode of artsy farce immigrants.

00:00:36: So guys this is gonna be an interesting episode because it's more about like my personal life and everything.

00:00:41: It's a little bit separate from the work But everything's you know, it's it's positive the vibes are good.

00:00:47: I'm happy But I also wanted to like you know set it up as like less of a work talk and more of a me talk thing.

00:00:53: So if that's what you're into you're gonna have a good episode.

00:00:56: If you're not into that and you want to talk more about work, well, the last two episodes are a part one and a part two about my stand-up comedy tour, the Prince of Germany tour.

00:01:05: Straight up.

00:01:06: out of the gate.

00:01:07: If you want to support this channel, please go to the show notes.

00:01:10: There is a link to order my book, The Prince of Germany.

00:01:14: It's one book is in English and in German.

00:01:19: It's a Wendebuch for the Germans out there.

00:01:21: So you can read it in German, flip it over, or you can read it in English.

00:01:26: This is going to be a funny episode because I'm going to talk about what life is like a little bit as a person who's made a career in being an immigrant in a different country, like being an expat in a different country.

00:01:40: And now that the biggest part of my job, the tour is over and the book is out what these last few weeks have looked like, including my birthday.

00:01:52: So I do have to talk about that.

00:01:54: I do have to talk about my birthday.

00:01:55: So let's just jump right into it.

00:02:00: This is gonna sound a bit random.

00:02:01: I've picked up some new hobbies.

00:02:05: It's not that I'm not working at all, but it's just a funny thing in the sense of now that this incredibly, you know, taxing but fulfilling tour has commenced, which I believe is the British word for ended.

00:02:20: I am in a really interesting position where I'm kind of waiting for my editor to make the full video, which by the way, I told him it's my my deadline would be like mid-December.

00:02:33: I want to have it out for the Christmas break.

00:02:35: So the tour that I just did will be a free to watch Full like sixty to seventy minute YouTube special on my channel.

00:02:44: if you're not subscribed to me on YouTube go in the show notes your dirty dogs and subscribe so you Get notified immediately when my new special is out.

00:02:55: So with that with that out of the way It's a really interesting moment in my life where I spent so many months, you know working on this book and the books out.

00:03:07: by the way, go get the book.

00:03:09: I'm gonna stop promoting now.

00:03:10: I promise Plugging whatever went the books out.

00:03:14: So I spent so many months working on that and then like working on promotion for it and the promotion the marketing will still continue on, you know as long as I can do it.

00:03:23: and then also the the tour, you know going to Frankfurt, Cologne, Hamburg, Berlin, Vienna, cancelling Innsbruck because I was in the hospital doing a double show in Munich, which is the one that we're editing now for the special and then doing Zurich.

00:03:42: You know, it was a big job.

00:03:43: And so now that the tour is done and the book is done, it's just a lot to sort of digest.

00:03:49: And I'm in a really funny position, not in a bad way, but an interesting position emotionally.

00:03:56: Where now because of the free time I I'm you know part of that free time is going into House drawers, which is like aces cool.

00:04:11: It's like oh raking leaves Sick going to the vegetable for the dump.

00:04:18: Awesome So fun.

00:04:20: Oh, did you guys knew that?

00:04:22: like you can go to the dump and put the Cardboard in this dumpster, but like actually they have another whole dumpster.

00:04:32: first tire of him.

00:04:37: It sucks.

00:04:38: It's it's just like life stuff, right?

00:04:40: It's like washing a plate with a With steel like us like I was it called like a steel wool or whatever like this clump.

00:04:49: We're just like scraping that dried piece of undercooked chicken that stayed out overnight caked and catch up.

00:04:56: You're like And you have to get your fingernails in there.

00:05:00: There's like life work, right?

00:05:02: Then there's the other part where it's like I need things to fulfill my brain because if I am not working I Will fall into the abyss forever.

00:05:14: If I if I don't have things to keep my brain busy, I will literally turn into the Joker.

00:05:22: I will be like chaos is perfect for this city.

00:05:27: I'm not that depressed.

00:05:27: I'm not depressed at all, but I do need to keep myself keep my hands keep my brain busy.

00:05:33: so I've fallen into two extraordinarily uncool habits.

00:05:39: So if this is where you guys want to stop the recording because you're going to think, well, I have this image of Jordan.

00:05:45: that's at least over the fifty percent mark of cool-ish approval, I would understand.

00:05:54: I feel like I've earned that and I'm grateful for you.

00:05:57: And if you want to stop there, yeah, thanks for being here and hope you have a great day.

00:06:02: For those who linger on, you're about to either love me more or think, wow, this is the biggest loser I've ever heard of in my life.

00:06:12: And you know what?

00:06:13: I am.

00:06:13: So there's two hobbies I've become extraordinarily obsessed with.

00:06:18: And there's no cool way to say it.

00:06:23: One is, dammit dude, one is slight of hand magic.

00:06:29: Okay, I said it.

00:06:31: I put it out there.

00:06:32: Thanks guys for supporting me as long as you did and, you know, Godspeed and, yeah, I won't post about it on my socials other than this podcast.

00:06:42: So please continue to follow me and I love you and thank you and bye.

00:06:48: For those that lingered on, what's wrong with you?

00:06:52: What's wrong with you?

00:06:53: No.

00:06:54: Slide of hand magic has become a massive interest to me.

00:07:00: I mean, I'm so glad I didn't get into this as a virgin because I would be sitting here as a thirty-five year old virgin if I did.

00:07:15: I would be like, you know what guys, actually having sex with girls is kind of stupid.

00:07:21: And actually it distracts you from perfecting your technique when you do a double lift.

00:07:28: When you're palming a card, actually push the girls away because it distracts you from the trick, the technique.

00:07:37: I'm so glad that I didn't find an interest in this as like a teenager.

00:07:44: I am actually holding a deck of cards right now and I'm very thankful as well that this is currently not a video podcast because I would just watch the subscribers You know sore down to zero if they could see me right now.

00:07:58: But the thing is you know for for a long time listeners, you know, I was officially by doctors Diagnosed with ADHD this year in Germany, which means something.

00:08:09: it means they don't they don't F around they don't they don't take that You know, they don't they don't play with their medicine.

00:08:16: So they're like, you know, you got it dog.

00:08:18: and I think I've realized in the last few months that I've always had an interest in sleight of hand magic, you know, just like, you know, oh, this card.

00:08:31: Oh, how did that get there?

00:08:33: It's always been a little lame, but also a little interesting like how they do it.

00:08:36: But what I've grown to love about getting into this hobby in the downtime after this tour and book is actually just keeping my hands busy.

00:08:47: If that makes sense, you know, I mean, it sounds dumb.

00:08:49: It sounds really like keeping your hands busy.

00:08:53: My god, dude, you got a job.

00:08:56: But it's really.

00:08:56: it's really like that.

00:08:57: Like there's something about the the pleasure of unison.

00:09:04: God, this sounds so stupid.

00:09:06: It sounds it sounds like I just got nominated for like a Golden Globe.

00:09:09: And I'm like, you know, the the artistry of the actor is all about dissecting the character.

00:09:18: It sounds like garbage, dude.

00:09:20: I'm just saying it's nice to keep my hands busy.

00:09:25: Sounds also gross when I say it like that.

00:09:27: It's just nice to like fidget with cards.

00:09:31: It's it's nice.

00:09:32: It just feels fulfilling.

00:09:33: So I'm going to leave it there.

00:09:34: So you shut up.

00:09:35: You're wrong.

00:09:35: You're weird.

00:09:36: Not me.

00:09:38: Anyway, and I was very thankful that for my recent birthday as of this recording was five days ago.

00:09:46: And now I'm, uh, twenty-eight years old.

00:09:50: And, uh, I'm feeling it, brother.

00:09:54: No, I'm, I'm ancient, man.

00:09:55: I'm Gandalf.

00:09:56: I'm thirty-five.

00:09:58: And I know Moritz and mom are listening like, uh, ancient.

00:10:03: This is where it starts.

00:10:04: This is where the descent into darkness begins.

00:10:07: This is where I start turning into, like, Sauron, you know?

00:10:11: Like, Gandalf the Grey.

00:10:14: Like, spinning this ancient man around a castle.

00:10:18: It's, uh, thirty- thirty-five hits hard, man.

00:10:22: Thirty-five hits hard.

00:10:24: I was, like, looking recently at pictures of, uh, who's the actor from Frazier?

00:10:30: Oh, man.

00:10:32: Oh, uh, uh, Frazier actor is... Kelsey grammar I was looking pictures of.

00:10:42: I wasn't looking up Kelsey grammar.

00:10:44: to be fair I stumbled across images of Kelsey grammar and Steve Martin at ages like thirty three and like thirty five and They looked fifty eight minimum.

00:11:00: They looked fifty eight minimum.

00:11:04: So, you know, I'm grateful that I do think these days people who like there's there is like a sense of youth that lingers a bit longer.

00:11:13: like back in the day everyone's like sat in cigarette smoke all the time.

00:11:17: you know like everyone was just covered in cigarette smoke and everyone was either in Vietnam or Korea.

00:11:27: It was a weird time.

00:11:28: So I don't judge when people looked older back in the day because it was just... Oh, that was another one.

00:11:35: Ben Stiller's dad, Jerry Stiller, famously... I mean, he was George Costanz's dad and Seinfeld.

00:11:44: He was also... Leah Remini's father in King of Queens.

00:11:50: Just one of the most genius comedic performers of all time.

00:11:54: One of my absolute comedy heroes.

00:11:56: Rest in peace.

00:11:57: I saw a picture of him at like thirty-two.

00:12:01: And he looked the same way that he does in King of Queens, man.

00:12:06: He was blessed with good hair, but he looked old.

00:12:11: I don't really know what the point is.

00:12:12: I'm trying to make you.

00:12:15: It all comes back to me just feeling really, really ancient.

00:12:20: Anyway, you can hear me shuffling cards, which I immediately realize is so lame.

00:12:26: Anyway, so I turned thirty-five recently and... Okay, I'm going to tell you about two more lame things and then I'm going to go into the cool story about where I was for my birthday.

00:12:38: The other lame thing that I've gotten into after the book tour, besides a sleight of hand magic, aka female repellent, is actually... This is even worse.

00:12:53: This is worse somehow.

00:12:55: It's like adult coloring book?

00:12:58: Oh my god.

00:12:59: The words came out and I almost vomited.

00:13:02: It's adult coloring book.

00:13:04: It's just it's again.

00:13:05: It's just like keeping my.

00:13:09: I Listen better.

00:13:10: I engage better when my hands are busy.

00:13:14: Sorry, it just is the way that it is and a few years ago I would say almost like three years ago.

00:13:21: by now.

00:13:22: I'm not really sure more.

00:13:24: It's longtime listener.

00:13:25: Good friend Binder gave me Like this weird.

00:13:31: I mean, I love it to death.

00:13:32: I'm using it right now, but he gave me this like horror horror coloring book.

00:13:40: So like every image is a strange, you know like a zombie or a ghost or something weird because Moritz he gave me that it was a very thoughtful gift.

00:13:49: actually I regret that I haven't used it until now, but now I have the perfect reason to use it.

00:13:54: He gave me that because he knows that I love really scary intense video games really scary video games and scary movies and it's so not his thing that one time I was trying to show him something from a scary game and he was like Jordan.

00:14:12: we're friends.

00:14:13: so I feel safe telling you this without knowing that like you're not gonna get mad at me.

00:14:17: but no no stop showing me this.

00:14:21: I'm not interested it's too much for me.

00:14:23: and I was like oh my god Thank you for telling me.

00:14:26: Oh my god, of course.

00:14:27: It's over.

00:14:27: Don't worry.

00:14:28: No, no, no.

00:14:28: It's done.

00:14:29: It's done But he knows I love it so much that he Yeah, he gave me this coloring book and I really I liked every picture so much, but I never really had an excuse to sit down with these Pencils to use it.

00:14:44: You know what I mean?

00:14:45: I almost wanted to have it as like a keepsake, untouched forever, in a sense.

00:14:50: But now I bought this cool thing of, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

00:14:57: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

00:15:00: Ooh, it's eighty markers.

00:15:02: Wow.

00:15:03: I bought this thing of eighty pastel markers, and it's just for me, it's just down here in the basement.

00:15:11: That sounds... wrong, but it's just for this.

00:15:15: Now I'm coloring every page of this spooky coloring book and I just love it.

00:15:21: When you get the right markers and you get the right vibe, the texture, you get the right feel, anyone who occasionally enjoys coloring or drawing gets exactly what I mean.

00:15:34: I'm someone who has drawn cartoons or you know comic book stuff as far back as I can remember as soon as I learned how to draw.

00:15:47: so for me this is really cool.

00:15:48: to get back into that it's a healthy nice tactile habit that involves you know this it's kind of relieving for the mind but also keeping the hands busy and it's cool.

00:16:03: I like it and this this coloring book is really cool.

00:16:05: Um, so anyway, that was horrendously off topic.

00:16:10: So I've been doing that.

00:16:12: I've been coloring and I've been playing, I've been learning slide of hand, uh, card tricks.

00:16:19: So watch out ladies.

00:16:21: Here I come.

00:16:22: So now I can talk about my birthday.

00:16:24: I was in Paris for the very first time ever for the first time ever.

00:16:30: I had never, ever, ever been there and.

00:16:34: It was just so unreal.

00:16:35: I, I didn't, I mean, I guess I should have assumed.

00:16:39: But I didn't know that literally every single person doesn't matter the gender, doesn't matter the race.

00:16:49: Every single person is so good looking.

00:16:55: Like every ninety year old grandpa all the way down to like, I mean, let's say like, I don't know.

00:17:04: I mean, I'm saying good looking in a in a in a healthy way here Like even like the eighteen nineteen twenty twenty one whatever like the twenty the twenties right like everybody is Just so cool looking.

00:17:19: if like It's it's like separate from anything attractive.

00:17:23: It's just like cool.

00:17:24: You just look cool.

00:17:25: It's like a cool painting a cool movie poster a cool book cover a cool Song that you hear on the radio.

00:17:34: We're like, oh, that was cool.

00:17:35: What was that?

00:17:36: It's um, it's unbelievable to me how stylish and interesting and How everyone sort of has this borderline foundational understanding of how to dress.

00:17:54: that Isn't phony.

00:17:58: like there.

00:17:59: no one seemed to be dressing for the sake of performative, like to be performative, to dress for others.

00:18:08: Everyone seemed to dress in such a pure way that amplified their own identity.

00:18:17: And that's something I just don't see a lot of.

00:18:21: Not to say like, I mean, I traveled all over Germany for this tour.

00:18:25: And of course, of course, there are Numerous like just endless amounts of incredibly stylish people.

00:18:33: I mean my god go to Berlin.

00:18:34: It's insane But imagine like Berlin or London or New York just on crack cocaine Like it was so overwhelming.

00:18:46: I had this back and forth where I was like oh wow this this like.

00:18:51: It was really crazy.

00:18:52: It was like diner owners guys coming out with like scarves and stylish glasses and like everything was just so over-the-top perfect looking.

00:19:04: I almost it almost felt like Truman Show or like oh my god is this all?

00:19:10: for me it was really really really amazing.

00:19:16: Yeah, like garbage men looked cool, you know, I mean like.

00:19:18: they seemed like they like trimmed and like hemmed their Garbage suits not literally, but it just seemed like every person Had had the vibe.

00:19:28: they got the memo, you know I mean and I was really just so blown away.

00:19:33: That wasn't like one of my honestly honest to God like yes, I saw the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre Thank you.

00:19:41: and saw the Notre Dame and whatever where the hunchback lives.

00:19:48: And despite all that, despite how breathtaking all of that was and how cool the city is.

00:19:55: I mean, it was really, really, really a beautiful experience to see that city.

00:19:59: There's nothing, nothing like that city.

00:20:03: I can only mildly compare it to Rome, which is... Just different.

00:20:09: it's they're just too.

00:20:10: They're different, but they're like cities that if they said You know a free trip to revisit.

00:20:17: Where would you choose?

00:20:17: I would have a tough time.

00:20:19: So they're both just so special to me Roman and Paris.

00:20:24: God I sound like such a troglodyte like pretentious Yacht owner or whatever.

00:20:32: I guess I just mean to just all boils down to.

00:20:36: I could not believe that a city can not only look like it looks, but that it offers what it offers and that the people look the way that they do.

00:20:48: Because usually you have to kind of roll the dice on things.

00:20:52: You know, you have to kind of roll the dice on, well, it looks nice, but the food's crap.

00:20:57: Or like, uh, yeah, you know, the people look cool, but there's not much to do.

00:21:02: At least in my experience as the uncultured swine who runs this podcast.

00:21:09: But this Paris there's only a few cities that ever like reach all the requirements in New York London Paris and for sure Rome like I think I would say Roman for me.

00:21:20: I mean this is gonna maybe like Annoy some people.

00:21:23: I would say Rome and Paris Definitely and I mean definitely overshadow London.

00:21:34: Okay, don't come for me.

00:21:36: Don't come for me.

00:21:37: I don't care.

00:21:37: I'm not going to read it.

00:21:38: I don't care.

00:21:39: Be mad.

00:21:40: I don't mind.

00:21:41: And this, the thing is, for any like idiots out there who are like actually upset by that take, it's not that I think there's anything wrong.

00:21:50: By the way, it's just my opinion.

00:21:54: So there's nothing like, there's no law being, being like put into place here.

00:21:59: I just think personally, in my opinion, that Rome and Paris just, they just own something.

00:22:08: They, like, they own, like, a space on the planet in such a way that it cannot be described without seeing it.

00:22:20: And I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true, in my opinion.

00:22:24: There's something about Rome and Paris that I've never felt in any other place.

00:22:31: And I'm the world's most insanely over-the-top advocate for going to New York or going to New Orleans.

00:22:41: I love London.

00:22:42: It's a lot of fun.

00:22:43: But there's something about Rome and Paris that I just don't feel in any other place.

00:22:51: It's a kind of city where you're like... Oh, like the world is so much richer, deeper, beautiful, complex, and invigorating than I ever thought it could be.

00:23:11: Roman Paris are the kind of cities where you go there and you're like, oh I now as like this monkey man that's just like meat sack who for some reason was cursed with consciousness like feels a sense of purpose because at least before I die I can feel like the overwhelming wave of beauty.

00:23:30: It's like that.

00:23:31: It's just like the overwhelming existential look at the stars and and cry sort of beauty where you're like.

00:23:39: I don't care like about anything else but like this now this now which is such a mantra for a lot of a lot of people that helps them not overthink and to not over complicate nice moments.

00:23:56: you know just just thinking those two words.

00:23:58: this now this now this now um I mean it's getting into psychology and stuff.

00:24:04: but There's something so wonderful about those two cities.

00:24:07: I can't really put it into words.

00:24:10: And Paris just blew me away.

00:24:11: It was really just so spectacular.

00:24:16: I went to lunch at a for the very first time ever a single-star like Michelin restaurant a Michelin star and Unbelievable.

00:24:28: I'm not I'm not really I'm not even gonna go into like all the stuff that we Had there but it was because it's just kind of annoying for those who aren't really into that stuff.

00:24:38: But it was the weirdest yet most fulfilling and exciting food I've probably ever had in my life.

00:24:46: But I do have to say and I was you know I've been open about this my that was incredible And I'm so grateful and thankful to have had the opportunity for that food.

00:24:55: But my favorite favorite favorite favorite place to eat in the entire In all of the places that I had the pleasure of experiencing in Paris the best place was this.

00:25:10: You know I Forgive me if I'm wrong.

00:25:15: I would say Mexican cantina.

00:25:17: It's very you know, it was very Latin.

00:25:19: It was very like South American.

00:25:21: I would I would guess just based on my experiences in the south with Mexican cuisine and the people.

00:25:27: obviously Um, that it was, uh, Mexican ran, but it could be, you know, could have been anywhere.

00:25:33: It could have been Guatemala.

00:25:34: It could have been, uh, Puerto Rico.

00:25:35: It could have been anywhere.

00:25:36: It doesn't matter.

00:25:37: I, there was a, like a continent that had just some of the, it was a tight squeezed in little place that normally I would feel a bit stressed out about being inside of cause.

00:25:47: I'm a big guy and I have, I get claustrophobic very fast.

00:25:53: And also I found out like through the ADHD that when like scenarios or like locations change For me that I it makes sense why I get so stressed out About like needing some time to adjust to a new thing.

00:26:09: That's off topic.

00:26:10: Anyway, it's a very small place and it's a really Really really cool place.

00:26:16: that reminds me a lot of New Orleans And a lot of different places I've been to in the South that really focus on authenticity.

00:26:25: So the staff you know were these it was like a I think it was like a mother daughter.

00:26:30: It could have been like you know cousin it could have been ants.

00:26:32: Maybe they're just co-workers.

00:26:34: Maybe they're not related but there was something about the relationship they seem to have where it felt familial and Our.

00:26:43: you know the waitress was probably like I don't know twenty seven twenty eight.

00:26:48: the other woman was maybe like fifty or late forties and then there was this one like really sweet um totally french black guy.

00:26:57: and um it was the best food.

00:27:04: it was the best food oh man that i that i've probably.

00:27:13: it was probably the best food i've ever had in my life.

00:27:15: i'm not even i'm not even like being hyperbolic.

00:27:18: I think it was the best food I've ever had in my life.

00:27:23: I... My god, dude.

00:27:25: I'm thinking about it right now.

00:27:26: I ordered... I ordered like this thing called like the quesadilla, which was like a combination... of Beria, which is a kind of, I mean, basically, you know, you know, Mexican food.

00:27:39: It's kind of like, like carnitas, or fajitas, or it's like all that kind of style, right?

00:27:47: It's all like, whatever.

00:27:48: But it combines in a certain way.

00:27:50: And it was like, it came in a pair of twos and it looked like.

00:27:57: Just for your eyes to imagine it looked like if you'd squished a burrito into the shape of a quesadilla in a very very good way and it had like crispy cheese on the outside.

00:28:08: and it was like with this great really fresh beef and all these veggies and with like a sauce like a like a. You know when you go to like Sandwich shop and they give you like a like all you on the side like this dip.

00:28:21: It was kind of like that They had like a dip like a like a broth.

00:28:25: Oh my god Oh my god.

00:28:32: If he had carnitas and I was able to, my Spanish has diminished to such an extra, like atrocious level of like garbage.

00:28:46: But sadly, I really regret that I didn't keep up with that.

00:28:50: And now German's taken up so much space in my head, but.

00:28:55: I was able to, I felt so inspired, you know, by how good the food was and how nice the atmosphere was that I got, uh, some of the Spanish came back and I was able to like order and like, I mean, I wasn't having full blown conversations.

00:29:07: I'm not like here to brag cause I'm, I'm an idiot, but I was able to, you know, talk to, I knew I could tell her first language was Spanish.

00:29:16: That's why I knew the food was going to be good first off.

00:29:18: Um, but then I had that food.

00:29:22: and then realized, oh, I actually do know the expression for this, you know, request or whatever in Spanish.

00:29:30: So we had like a whole meal.

00:29:34: We ordered a full-ass second meal.

00:29:37: No joke.

00:29:38: Like, for real.

00:29:39: We ordered a full-ass second meal at this place.

00:29:44: Like, straight up had just dinner again.

00:29:49: It was so good.

00:29:50: We just didn't care like there.

00:29:51: there was no thing of like.

00:29:53: oh, I'm getting so full.

00:29:54: it was like Should we get that again?

00:29:58: Let's get that again and add some nachos.

00:30:00: It was so insanely good.

00:30:02: I cannot express enough how in love I was with this now.

00:30:07: Here's where things get interesting.

00:30:09: so I got to speak a little Spanish with the waitress.

00:30:14: I felt cool.

00:30:17: And then, you know, had this amazing food, drinking some Modela Negra.

00:30:22: And then I've, you know, I knew that like somewhere in this place, this tiny, tiny place that looks a bit like a mom, you'll know, like the white trolley, looks a bit like a small food truck.

00:30:35: It was that small.

00:30:35: I mean, I'm talking like crammed, crammed small.

00:30:39: If the food hadn't been so great, I would have.

00:30:42: you know, my claustrophobia would have been like, you have to get out of here.

00:30:45: It was amazing.

00:30:46: So I didn't care after the first bite.

00:30:49: But that kind of space, we had learned that there was like a very, very cool bar.

00:30:57: And it wasn't the food bar that we were seated at.

00:31:00: It was like a bar somewhere else in this place.

00:31:02: And I was like, where else can we go?

00:31:04: This is the tiniest little joke of a venue.

00:31:08: Like, I mean, the food's amazing, but like, where could a bar possibly be?

00:31:12: And then we saw people lining up behind us.

00:31:17: And I was like, where are they going?

00:31:19: And then we found out that they were going to the bar.

00:31:22: I looked behind me and so nonchalant, so easy to overlook, there was just a little white door that blended in perfectly with the wall, almost like a villain's lair in James Bond or something.

00:31:39: It was just like part of the wall.

00:31:41: But you could see where handprints had opened the door like over and over and over for years and years.

00:31:47: And I thought it was just like, I don't know, like some sort of spot that people have, you know, used for whatever reason, but it was actually a little door that pushes in and you go in there and then there's a little staircase.

00:32:00: You go down and it is a full ass like underground.

00:32:07: bar that is so exquisite and prestigious, you'd think you're having margaritas in Bruce Wayne's cave.

00:32:17: Like it was so not immaculate, like not overwhelming to the point where you'd be like, I don't know if we can afford this, but so like polar opposite vibes of the place, like the place two centimeters away, which was the like taco Cantina that we were literally just sitting at it blew me away that they can have a place like that.

00:32:42: it was like it was so extreme in Indifference like the vibe and the style and the decor.

00:32:50: it was so extreme.

00:32:51: you would think that it was like a Scorsese film where you go into like a dirty beat-up laundry mat And then you open one of the dryers and crawl in and it's a full-ass casino with red you know velvet carpets and it was such a huge difference.

00:33:11: it did not feel legal but it was just a really cool normal bar and the restaurant opened earlier than the bar so that the reason i didn't even notice it was the bar wasn't open for so long and then people were lining up behind us and i was like oh oh.

00:33:28: and then uh the bill came after we had like seven thousand.

00:33:34: and then uh yeah we went inside this really really really cool bar and there was plenty of seats.

00:33:42: it was just beautiful niche quaint um you know understated very it was just very cool.

00:33:51: it was a very very cool bar and they had only a menu of like six drinks.

00:33:55: it wasn't like you could go in there and say i want you know an old-fashioned i want your core's light or whatever.

00:34:01: it was uh a menu of six drinks.

00:34:03: six uh sort of like Really nice well-flavored pure liquor cocktails like old-fashioned style, but very very specific drinks.

00:34:14: and Man if you and I we found we found one each like different ones each that we just absolutely went crazy for.

00:34:25: and She had.

00:34:28: this is where the night gets funny.

00:34:30: And then I'll stop with the birthday stuff, but she she had I think like three of this one particular drink that she liked Which did taste good.

00:34:39: It was like peach something with peach and gin I think and I had something with whiskey.

00:34:45: that was Trying to think of the combination.

00:34:49: It was it was really sweet, but not overwhelmingly sweet and it was like really classy.

00:34:55: and apparently they changed the menu every single week.

00:34:59: so we only and that was like the last night of that menu.

00:35:02: so we just that was the last one we had a shot at.

00:35:04: I had no joke like six of these guys but in my defense I mean I'm not defending myself it was my birthday but in my defense it was uh imagine if you like put just like a a shot Into an adult's, imagine you take a shot glass, fill it about maybe full and then you pour it into a whiskey glass and it's just at the bottom and then you put a huge translucent square whiskey ice cube into it.

00:35:41: how full it looks.

00:35:42: so in my defense I basically had overtime by the way not like immediately but overtime had like six I would say like shots of this drink because it was very very small but it was so delicious.

00:35:57: and then we got we were drunk but not like stumbling.

00:36:00: it was more like giggly which I like.

00:36:03: I find that certain alcohols have a different effect.

00:36:06: I don't like being beer drunk because beer drunk makes me like sloppy and like stumbly and my the first thing to go is always my.

00:36:15: the first thing to go is always my mouth Hate that couldn't hate anything more in terms of like.

00:36:24: when I don't have control over something on my on like You know my body like I don't like that feeling.

00:36:30: Um, when I drink whiskey or gin or tequila, I still sound like I do now, but you mean you can see in my eyes that I've had some drinks and it's not as if I think I could drive, but it's just.

00:36:42: I really, really don't like the, you had like three beers, four beers and I feel sober, but then you go to talk to someone and they're like, whoa, man, you're hammered, you're slaughtered.

00:36:54: And I'm like, Duh, but not it.

00:36:57: Only had three beers.

00:37:00: It's the worst feeling.

00:37:01: It's just the worst feeling.

00:37:03: Well, it's embarrassing, but else it's just like, I don't know, it's not worth it.

00:37:08: Anyway, we had these drinks.

00:37:09: It was really great.

00:37:11: Beautiful, beautiful bar, really, really cool.

00:37:15: And there was one, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:18: So then, okay, so at the end of this evening, you know, if he's all like giggly, and I'm definitely, you know, floating from these cocktails.

00:37:30: And then I get like the surprise of a lifetime, which is that she has booked a, because my nerdy ass has been getting into sleight of hand magic recently to apparently repel women and cool people.

00:37:52: She decided to Book.

00:37:57: she booked a comedy.

00:37:57: I'm sorry.

00:37:58: She booked a magic show.

00:38:00: She booked a magic show and Just to put everything out there put all the cards on the table.

00:38:06: It ain't David Copperfield.

00:38:08: Okay, it ain't David Blaine, right?

00:38:11: It's not Penn and Teller It.

00:38:20: It was Not that cool.

00:38:28: I mean, I've you know, I'm not I'm not I'm not talking smack behind her back.

00:38:32: It's not if he's fall.

00:38:34: We both laughed a lot about this about this show.

00:38:38: I mean, let me just be honest here.

00:38:40: Let me put like, you know Magic pun here.

00:38:42: Let me put the cards on the table here.

00:38:45: She the the magician this woman.

00:38:48: I forgot her name.

00:38:48: She's she is very very talented.

00:38:55: As someone who like has always had like a love and an appreciation for great magic and also like now kind of getting into learning how certain tricks are done, she was extremely skilled.

00:39:12: So it's no shame about her ability.

00:39:16: Like she's very, very skilled.

00:39:19: And I was, there were some tricks where I was deeply, deeply impressed.

00:39:25: However, however, however, however, she was so lame to watch, man.

00:39:33: She was so tough.

00:39:34: I mean, if you knew it too, she was just, I don't like this thing about how magicians, like they pick up like a persona, they like create a persona, and then they just become like the lamest possible person.

00:39:54: You know what I mean?

00:39:55: They'd be like, I'm the amazing Randall.

00:40:00: Do you want to hear a story about how the pebble rolled down the hill?

00:40:04: And then they pull the cards out and like the cards represent like this pebble and like going down like, well, the pebble went down.

00:40:10: Where are you guys from?

00:40:13: Are you guys from Canada?

00:40:14: Oh, sorry I boot that.

00:40:17: Sorry I boot that buddy.

00:40:18: Sorry buddy.

00:40:19: Where are you guys from?

00:40:20: You guys from the States?

00:40:21: Oh, Magga.

00:40:24: Cheeseburger.

00:40:25: All right.

00:40:25: Where are you guys from?

00:40:26: Sweden?

00:40:26: Hergadergadergaderg.

00:40:28: So anyway, the stone's rolling down the hill and it's just like just do the effing card trick.

00:40:36: Do the job, man.

00:40:38: Just... show up and go, you guys wanna see some cool magic?

00:40:42: Yeah!

00:40:44: Here you go.

00:40:45: Okay, how about this?

00:40:47: Here's the card, blah blah blah, and then, oh, whoopsy daisy, it ain't that card, isn't that cool?

00:40:52: Be like, hell yeah, that's cool.

00:40:54: You know what I mean?

00:40:55: Like, just say, like just say what you're doing.

00:40:59: Like, I mean, I don't mean like.

00:41:00: explain the trick, obviously.

00:41:03: That's the magician's code.

00:41:06: But like, just be cool.

00:41:09: magicians always wear like this.

00:41:11: this lady she wore like a glitter like oh my god dude I'm just reliving it.

00:41:16: she wore like a like a team who magicians glitter vest with a stupid with a stupid Dora.

00:41:29: that was like made of plastic and I was watching her hands.

00:41:34: I was like, oh, I can appreciate skill.

00:41:35: Like, wow, okay.

00:41:37: Ooh, that's really good.

00:41:38: She's really smooth.

00:41:39: But then she would just cheese it up like a ballpark hot dog.

00:41:45: So horribly, like a plate of nachos at a Malco cinema.

00:41:50: She cheesed it up where I would actively lose interest in being in that room.

00:41:56: And the thing was, it was in a basement and there was no way to, like, you can't leave.

00:42:03: If I had to vomit or pee so bad that I was bursting, I might have been able to get the courage to do it.

00:42:09: But the thing is, it's a small room.

00:42:11: Everyone sees everyone.

00:42:14: She sees everyone.

00:42:15: All the time.

00:42:16: You're in a basement.

00:42:17: You have to go to a door.

00:42:18: that's like leaving an American high school with the push bar.

00:42:21: like, you know, I didn't have the courage to do it.

00:42:27: So I actively like hated her.

00:42:32: Well, I hated her persona.

00:42:35: her fake persona because I was like part of me was like choose better Like do a pick a better character and don't be such a cheese ball.

00:42:45: Like don't be such a cheese.

00:42:46: it cracker that I'm like that.

00:42:47: I don't want to watch your show.

00:42:50: And then she tried to force Ernesty into her show.

00:42:54: like and my father started this thing years this theater years ago and part of you is like oh, oh, she's paying homage to her father who was a magician and he opened this theater and now she's running it all these years later again like sincerely a beautiful story and I'm so happy for her and happy that she can like you know continue the legacy that he began.

00:43:20: she did it at the worst time and shoved it down our throats like we were dogs who have to be fed meds in a spoonful of peanut butter.

00:43:33: It was like, here you go, here you go.

00:43:36: Here's an extreme lack of subtlety because you're a dog and you won't know any better and you don't care.

00:43:42: It was just like, my God, can you do this with some, can you work with someone who has the slightest concept of a narrative?

00:43:52: work with, go to one friend who just likes movies a lot and just be like, what do you think would be the best way to introduce like a narrative into my show?

00:44:03: that would, you know, amplify the meaning behind my final trick, you know, because I want to make them cry, you know.

00:44:12: I really didn't, I really, clearly, really disliked her, and if you do, really disliked her choice.

00:44:20: her fake persona.

00:44:22: but Again at the end of the day Respect where respect is due.

00:44:28: she is a very very good magician And of course because it's me.

00:44:36: I think you guys were probably expecting this part of course because it's me.

00:44:41: I Got pulled on set.

00:44:42: I got pulled on stage.

00:44:43: Sorry.

00:44:44: I got pulled on stage.

00:44:45: I did.

00:44:46: Um, did I regret it wholeheartedly immediately?

00:44:50: Yes.

00:44:50: Um, do I think I did an okay job keeping my, like keeping my composure and making the room laugh?

00:44:59: Yes.

00:45:00: Because I'm an attention whore.

00:45:01: Um, I needed, I, there's, there's a balance, right?

00:45:05: Like I am an attention whore.

00:45:07: Um, and I also understand that it's her show and to not be a dick, to not like, like not demand attention from the crowd but to not like to.

00:45:20: I still gotta be a little fun.

00:45:21: I still I still have to be a little bit of an attention whore but I don't want to like disrupt her work.

00:45:30: you know I think that's that's a big difference.

00:45:31: there's like when you see people go on stage either they're shy and quiet and they kind of just go along with whatever and don't say much which is the standard uh.

00:45:40: and then there's people who are like the I'm the funny friend in my group and then they just trample over everything that the performers sang and almost like in a sense ruin the vibe.

00:45:53: I did not want to be that guy.

00:45:55: So she pulled me on stage and she said, okay, for this trick, I need Jordan, blah, blah, blah.

00:46:02: She did her jokes, and then she was like, okay, here's a roll of standard, like, you know, elementary school scotch tape, right?

00:46:09: It's just like the plastic ring with the little ridged end scotch tape.

00:46:13: And she was like, we're gonna race.

00:46:15: We're gonna see who can put a piece of scotch tape on each of their fingers on one hand, like, you know, peel, rip, stick, peel, rip, stick.

00:46:26: Who can do that the fastest, you know, wins?

00:46:30: and I thought there was going to be some sort of illusion to this trick like maybe this was a rigged roll of scotch tape.

00:46:38: uh no it was just set up for her trick.

00:46:42: I she legitimately wanted me to race her and thankfully I you know.

00:46:48: like I said I just finished this tour so I was very comfortable being in front of all these people even though I really didn't want to be up there.

00:46:55: and uh she gave me this scotch tape and it was like go and it was like my hands were so sweaty and in just the absolute worst way.

00:47:05: it was just like peel scotch tape.

00:47:07: i put it on my index finger it falls and i was able to make it funny.

00:47:12: you know i was verbal like oh my god.

00:47:14: no no no it's rigged it's all it's all.

00:47:16: you know i was and the people were laughing.

00:47:18: so i was having a good time.

00:47:19: um but She did it and she legitimately did it.

00:47:24: It wasn't even part of her.

00:47:25: It wasn't even part of her trick.

00:47:26: yet It was just like set up for something else and I put all the tape.

00:47:31: I tried to put all the tape on failed every single time.

00:47:34: I think at the end of like the whatever it was thirty seconds, which felt like hours.

00:47:39: I had two pieces of tape on which is like I'm not you know, I'm not the smartest man, but I'm not slow.

00:47:48: You know what I mean?

00:47:48: Like I knew the task, but it just.

00:47:50: I was just too sweaty.

00:47:51: Everything just fell off.

00:47:53: I thought at first that the tape was like rigged but Then she looked over.

00:47:59: she got a big laugh out of it.

00:48:01: You know plenty of people do this trick probably or the.

00:48:04: you know the people in the audience go up there and they're sweaty from nerves and It doesn't work.

00:48:09: and I mean it's it's a funny bit.

00:48:11: So, you know, I'm sure she planned for that and then She said okay you can sit down.

00:48:18: she gave me a. she gave me a roll of Scotch tape as a gift which I just immediately I think I gave it to somebody or put it in a bag somewhere and then and then she was like okay sit down and They applauded as you do for like a you know a guest on stage.

00:48:38: And then the cool thing was she then made her story or her joke or whatever her theme was about the tape and put all of the tape from her fingers into a like rolled them into a ball.

00:48:51: And then she pulled the ball apart.

00:48:53: And as you can imagine, since it's a magic show, all of the little pieces that she had on her fingers were now magically one long piece of tape, you know, magically.

00:49:06: and it was great.

00:49:08: I was honestly like she.

00:49:09: she was so annoying to listen talk like she was so annoying to be around just like I feel like she would be someone that if I went to school with her I would avoid her at all costs.

00:49:23: but but but she's clearly extraordinarily talented at what she does.

00:49:31: You know, I'm getting, I'm getting to an age now.

00:49:33: I'm getting to a point in my life where it's like, look, I cannot like somebody, but I can still respect, admire and appreciate like what effort they put into their, their work.

00:49:47: You know, I mean, my God, like you can separate those things.

00:49:49: So hats off to, to that lady.

00:49:53: She's a very good magician and perhaps the world's most annoying human otherwise.

00:50:01: But, you know, she's a performer like me, and for God's sakes, we sure can be annoying, aching for the approval of others.

00:50:11: But yeah, I think I'm gonna wrap it up there.

00:50:13: I had a great time in Paris, had a very fun trip, very good food.

00:50:18: As we talked about I'm into sleight of hand magic now, and I'm literally using adult markers to color in a horror coloring book because I am eleven.

00:50:29: Again if you haven't checked out my book go to the link in the bio and the show notes.

00:50:33: get that book.

00:50:34: The tour is over, but it's gonna be on YouTube next month for free.

00:50:38: so subscribe to me on YouTube if you haven't already And I love you.

00:50:42: The Saints are coming through.

00:51:03: It's all out, baby.