00:00:10: All right, everybody.

00:00:11: welcome back to a brand spanking new episode of artsy fartsy immigrants holiday edition.

00:00:36: All right, everybody.

00:00:37: So we are back here in the artsy fartsy studio and we have a lot of things to get into.

00:00:44: today As you all know There is a big old holiday coming up pretty soon.

00:00:51: I think it's like in a week from the release date of this episode.

00:00:56: Let me take a little a little gander.

00:00:58: Oh, yeah.

00:00:59: So in Germany, it would be a week from the recording of this.

00:01:02: I'm recording it the day before the release, and that would be the twenty-fourth.

00:01:07: We're going to get into all of that, the differences there, and twenty-fifth a week from the release date is Christmas Day.

00:01:14: So, heads up, I'm more than likely going to be just out of commission for the holiday break, understandably.

00:01:24: I would like to do one between Christmas and New Year's, but I can't promise that.

00:01:29: I really like when there's content to consume when you're home with your family just hanging out all the time, overeating food, clogging up the toilets, watching reruns or two thousand crime comedy movies with commercial breaks in between.

00:01:46: It's a fun time.

00:01:46: It's a really fun time.

00:01:48: So I'm going to look up something really quick that we can discuss.

00:01:52: Why does Christmas happen on the twenty-fourth in Germany?

00:02:04: Okay, so Christmas in Germany centers on December twenty-fourth.

00:02:07: Oh, yeah.

00:02:07: Heilige Abend.

00:02:09: Heilige Abend.

00:02:10: Holy evening.

00:02:11: Because Christian tradition marks holy days from sunset to sunset.

00:02:17: Gotcha.

00:02:18: Okay, so viewing the evening.

00:02:20: Of the twenty-fourth, as the start of Christmas Day, the birth of Jesus, families gather for festive meals, decorating the tree.

00:02:28: That's another thing too, is Germans don't set up their Christmas tree before the literal day.

00:02:36: So, you know, like we're sitting here, Heilige Abend, holy evening, holy evening, bad man!

00:02:42: There, that's the day, the twenty-fourth, where they set up the tree.

00:02:47: In America, it's completely different.

00:02:48: I mean, also, it depends.

00:02:51: We've had our Christmas tree up for a very long time.

00:02:56: I think it was actually up the day or so before Thanksgiving, which is usually taboo, but I actually liked that it was up.

00:03:03: It's festive, it's nice, it's sweet.

00:03:05: I like seeing it.

00:03:07: Now, let me continue.

00:03:10: Yeah, here's a good.

00:03:11: here's a good article we can go through here.

00:03:13: This is this will be good to like sort of go through how and why this these things work the way they do How Christmas is celebrated in Germany spending Christmas with the Germans which rituals are important and why potato salad is part of a traditional celebration.

00:03:26: Well, that just seems like an opinion.

00:03:29: the first for taste that sounds for taste of Christmas already comes in early September when gingerbread and speculatios biscuits suddenly appear.

00:03:43: Oh, this is written by a British person.

00:03:46: The first full taste of Christmas already comes in early September when gingerbread and speculatios biscuits suddenly appear on supermarket shelves out of the blue.

00:03:55: That sounds like Michael Cain.

00:03:57: From the first Sunday of Advent, Christmas markets, Christmas hits on the radio, and fairly Mr.

00:04:04: Wayne.

00:04:05: And then and very lights bring festive cheer to the entire country.

00:04:10: But German Christmas has many facets and distinctive features, Mr Wayne.

00:04:14: Here are answers to the most important questions.

00:04:17: Do only religious Germans celebrate Christmas?

00:04:20: No.

00:04:23: Although it is a Christian festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

00:04:27: Christ!

00:04:28: Crikey, that's not true.

00:04:30: Germans with no particular religious beliefs also celebrate Christmas, about eighty percent of the population at all.

00:04:36: viewer and viewer people in Germany go to church at Christmas, just sixteen percent in twenty-twenty-four.

00:04:41: The sinners!

00:04:43: This is significantly down on the pre-pandemic level.

00:04:46: Two thousand nineteen was twenty-four percent.

00:04:48: Twenty-four percent.

00:04:50: Increasingly, people in Germany don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons but because they see it as a time for the family, for the family, now I'm Australian again, For the family to come together to enjoy shared rituals.

00:05:03: This was revealed by a study conducted by the University of Bundeswehr in Neubeberg.

00:05:11: Could not be a less cool sounding university.

00:05:15: It's the University of the Bundeswehr in Neubeberg.

00:05:20: Not Neubeberg.

00:05:23: I'm a Neubebergian.

00:05:25: I'm just living in Neubeberg.

00:05:27: Which German Christmas traditions are there?

00:05:30: Well, one of the most popular and best-known customs is to put up and decorate a Christmas tree.

00:05:34: Well, duh!

00:05:36: Whoa, guys, we got Sherlock Holmes over here.

00:05:41: One of the most popular and best-known customs is to put up and decorate a Christmas tree.

00:05:48: News flash, pal!

00:05:51: That's in a lot of places.

00:05:53: That's not just... could not be a less informative article so far.

00:05:57: It's like, well, the wacky German Christmases start off with something a little unusual.

00:06:03: Bear with us if you haven't heard of it, and please try to respect other customs and cultures.

00:06:08: They like to put up a Christmas tree.

00:06:13: I know, I know, I know, I know.

00:06:15: It's crazy, right?

00:06:17: More than eight out of ten people in Germany.

00:06:21: Well, I think I just turned my mic way too far down.

00:06:23: There we go.

00:06:25: More than eight out of ten people in the Germany put up a Christmas tree.

00:06:29: Yeah.

00:06:31: One in three say they only feel really Christmasy once their home is filled with the fragrance of fresh fur.

00:06:38: F-I-R, I guess that's yeah.

00:06:40: And shiny baubles are glittering on the tree.

00:06:43: This is so British.

00:06:45: It hurts my eyes.

00:06:48: It's like looking into a knife.

00:06:52: And what do Germans give as gifts?

00:06:54: If they say, if they, I swear to God, if this says, what do Germans give as gifts?

00:06:59: Oh, well, traditionally it's a little kooky around here, but they ask their siblings and loved ones what they'd like and they get it for them and wrap it.

00:07:10: What do Germans give as gifts?

00:07:11: The most popular present by far is a gift voucher or indeed just cash.

00:07:18: What?

00:07:25: The most popular present is that?

00:07:28: I mean I've given gift vouchers But that's no way.

00:07:32: that's the most popular present dude.

00:07:34: Or just imagine getting just cash.

00:07:39: Who did you marry?

00:07:41: the godfather?

00:07:42: Who are you?

00:07:44: Who are you married to?

00:07:46: anyone that Gene Hackman has ever played?

00:07:49: Like what are you talking about?

00:07:51: Hey, uh, so yeah, I don't know what you want I don't care.

00:07:56: So anyway, Mark, John, whatever your name is kid, here's cash.

00:08:01: So buy yourself something to shut you up with because you're bothering your dad.

00:08:07: Nearly one in two people.

00:08:09: So this is funny.

00:08:11: Nearly one in two people.

00:08:12: So forty eight percent.

00:08:13: They could have just said nearly half.

00:08:15: We didn't.

00:08:16: Anyway.

00:08:17: That's anyway.

00:08:18: Nearly one in two people.

00:08:21: Opt for this solution according to a study by a consulting firm e y that sounds made up.

00:08:28: but according to a study by a consulting firm called a Hey, yes some cash kid.

00:08:35: It's literally.

00:08:36: that's like the people who just give cash on Christmas are the guys.

00:08:40: It's like it's the guy in that fake gangster movie from home alone.

00:08:44: It's like I'm gonna give it to the cat of ten to get your ugly lion steaming.

00:08:53: You know keister out of here snakes one two ten And keep the change you filthy animal.

00:09:01: That's that's who.

00:09:02: consulting firm a is food and confectionary.

00:09:08: Confectionary what what is?

00:09:12: what is confectionary?

00:09:14: Confection I'm sure.

00:09:17: Oh, that's just food!

00:09:20: It's... Oh, that's why the Germans have, like, Konditore.

00:09:27: Why is that a word?

00:09:29: Confectionery is used as a collective term for sweets and chocolates.

00:09:32: Just say sweets and chocolates!

00:09:36: Don't need another word for that.

00:09:38: Just say sweets.

00:09:40: Food and sweets.

00:09:43: Take second place as a gift.

00:09:45: Wow behind just cold hard cash closely followed by toys Printed books and clothing.

00:09:53: Okay, I've gotten treats.

00:09:55: I've gotten toys.

00:09:56: I've gotten books.

00:09:57: I've gotten clothing.

00:09:59: Never never got an unmarked envelope of twenties.

00:10:03: I've asked my parents for money for something I wanted to do as a Christmas present like I remember One of my very first albums, I asked my mom and dad like, I don't know when it was, it must have been in November, where I was like, hey, as a birthday Christmas gift combination, can I get X amount of money to record this album?

00:10:30: And they said yes.

00:10:31: But it wasn't like, I was just like, oh, imagine going to your stocking, you know, as a kid hanging over the fireplace, maybe expecting like a new you know some chocolates of course but then like I don't know a new Game Boy game or you know something that you know from my generation and then like reaching your hand at and it's just a big old bag of quarters and some ones with gum on it from under the car and they're like Merry Christmas kid.

00:10:56: hey pass me my cigarettes while you're over there.

00:10:58: you know what I mean.

00:11:00: um let me see here how was Christmas typically celebrated on the day.

00:11:05: so there's two days of Christmas.

00:11:07: actually I think there's three.

00:11:09: I mean, the twenty-fourth, twenty-fifth, and twenty-sixth, I would say, are all together.

00:11:12: I mean, at least that's in Bavaria.

00:11:14: That's pretty common.

00:11:15: For many people, Christmas Eve on the twenty-fourth, which is, which, I mean, has this person done any research?

00:11:22: Because it's very common that the twenty-fourth is Christmas, like, yes, there's the twenty-fifth and twenty-sixth.

00:11:29: Yes, of course, there's three days of Christmas.

00:11:31: But the twenty-fourth is like, with the Christkind, if they don't mention Christkind, I'm turning this off.

00:11:38: If they don't mention that Jesus, baby, this is over.

00:11:42: There's a hectic morning on the.

00:11:44: oh, yeah on the way for the.

00:11:45: yes it is hectic its festive.

00:11:48: If it falls on a weekday shops remain open till noon.

00:11:50: Okay.

00:11:51: I don't know if that's that.

00:11:51: maybe that's true.

00:11:52: I don't know.

00:11:53: They tend to be packed as people rush to buy their last remaining presents or food for the festive meal.

00:11:58: Then it's time to decorate the treat.

00:11:59: That's true.

00:12:00: You do that on the twenty fourth, which is insane to me.

00:12:04: And they do wrap presents.

00:12:05: Yes, they do prepare the food.

00:12:06: Yes Families get together in the early evening, yes.

00:12:10: Some have family traditions such as singing, yes.

00:12:13: Play music together, yes.

00:12:14: Sometimes after enough wine.

00:12:16: After the meal, the presents that are under the tree can be unwrapped.

00:12:21: Right, so there's, well, they're not mentioning the christened, who brings the gifts.

00:12:27: So let's see if we're gonna, let's see if we're gonna get there.

00:12:31: Let's see if we're gonna get there.

00:12:34: And now we get to some special insights in German Christmas traditions.

00:12:39: Okay, literally setting it up to mention the Christkind.

00:12:44: All bets are off.

00:12:46: Constanze Kleis wrote a book entitled Gebrauchs Einweisung für Weihnachten.

00:12:52: Instruction Manual for Christmas.

00:12:59: A German woman named Constanze Kleis.

00:13:06: Um, sounds a little bit like Santa Claus, but okay.

00:13:12: Rota wrote an instruction manual for Christmas.

00:13:17: Hey, not that difficult.

00:13:22: Not a hard concept.

00:13:25: Oh, um, are you an adult?

00:13:27: Well, okay.

00:13:28: Well, chapter one, make some food.

00:13:32: Buy a gift and wrap it.

00:13:36: Oh, are you a kid?

00:13:38: Eat the food.

00:13:40: Open the gift.

00:13:44: Oh, special chapter.

00:13:46: Oh, looks like there's a hidden message here.

00:13:49: Oh, it's a folded piece of paper.

00:13:51: Hold on.

00:13:52: Oh, wow.

00:13:53: This is really, oh, this looks like a collector's edition.

00:13:56: Oh, it says don't be such a dumbass.

00:14:00: It says, hey, just eat some food and oh.

00:14:07: been presents oh oh.

00:14:10: and then fine princess don't fight.

00:14:14: oh here oh look there's another fine print.

00:14:16: watch watch oceans eleven on tnt like what oh it says here's oh it's a print.

00:14:27: it's the printed lyric sheet for silent night.

00:14:31: make sure to listen to your drunk out-of-tune uncle.

00:14:35: Forget the lyrics.

00:14:37: So here's the lyrics Silent Oh.

00:14:43: No, that's right.

00:14:45: Oh, you know, it's Instruction manual for Christmas.

00:14:49: Just when I thought Germans couldn't get any crazier.

00:14:53: Oh ladies and gentlemen, that's why you listen to artsy-fartsy immigrants, isn't it?

00:14:56: Gebrauchsadweisung für Weihnachten.

00:14:59: So you do not forget how to eat food and open presents.

00:15:02: I do not like my life.

00:15:08: I wish I was not married to this man.

00:15:10: He hunts.

00:15:13: Anyway.

00:15:15: What are my God?

00:15:16: What are the prerequisites for the perfect Christmas?

00:15:20: Well, officially, you'll need a Christmas tree.

00:15:23: Oh!

00:15:25: My God!

00:15:28: This is like for slow- I'm sorry, but this is written for like slow people.

00:15:32: What are the prerequisites for the perfect Christmas?

00:15:35: Well, you've come to the right place.

00:15:36: Officially, you need a- Christmas tree.

00:15:40: Oh, let me write that down.

00:15:41: Okay, crap.

00:15:42: I didn't even think about that.

00:15:44: Never saw one in my life.

00:15:45: What is that?

00:15:46: Where do I go to get those?

00:15:47: Candles.

00:15:48: Okay, all right.

00:15:49: Just an opinion there.

00:15:50: Don't need candles.

00:15:51: We can get candles.

00:15:53: Or fairy lights.

00:15:56: Fairy lights, dude.

00:15:58: So British.

00:16:01: and Christmas tree decorations.

00:16:03: Oh, well, oh my God, I'm so glad they added that.

00:16:06: You mean you can't just get a Christmas tree, you have to get Christmas tree decorations too?

00:16:11: Oh my God, I'm so, thank you so much for writing this article.

00:16:15: It's so important and I never thought about it before, I never saw a tree in my entire life.

00:16:19: What's that big tall green thing at Rockefeller Plaza?

00:16:23: Oh, that's a Christmas tree.

00:16:24: Oh, well those are decorations on that Christmas tree.

00:16:26: Oh, okay.

00:16:29: You don't need a nativity scene.

00:16:32: For the perfect Christmas, make sure you get a Christmas tree, you dumbass.

00:16:37: Get some candles if you want your house to smell like cinnamon.

00:16:40: Get some Christmas lights.

00:16:42: The Brits call them fairy lights, because they're awful.

00:16:45: I'm just kidding.

00:16:45: If there's a British listener, I'm just playing around.

00:16:47: But that's a terrible term.

00:16:48: That's a terrible term.

00:16:50: And be sure that you don't leave that old pine or that old Christmas tree naked and sad falling apart in the corner.

00:16:58: Make sure to put some decorations on it too.

00:17:00: Have you ever heard of an ornament, Terry?

00:17:04: Have you ever heard of a Christmas ornament, Kyle?

00:17:09: Make sure also to get a nativity scene because nothing says Christmas like when Santa comes down the chimney, eats your chocolate chip cookies, And he's gonna look for that, he's gonna look for that little plastic piece of Jesus, and if he doesn't see it, he's gonna piss in your stocking.

00:17:26: Sorry, pal, you're getting cold, and it's from his butt.

00:17:33: And oh, it says also, and a certain repertoire of Christmas carols.

00:17:39: Okay, look, I'm pro Christmas music.

00:17:41: depending on the song.

00:17:42: I like the old stuff, okay?

00:17:44: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

00:17:48: I like it, okay?

00:17:49: So sue me.

00:17:51: Okay, next thing.

00:17:52: Good food and baked goods.

00:17:54: Don't you mean confectionary?

00:17:58: Good food and baked goods such as a Stalin?

00:18:03: A Stalin?

00:18:04: Oh Christmas biscuits lot vanilla kit for mr.

00:18:07: Wayne.

00:18:08: What's us?

00:18:08: What's a stop?

00:18:09: stolen Stalin store?

00:18:11: What is that?

00:18:14: It's oh It's one of those.

00:18:19: it's that dry-ass fruit bread.

00:18:22: Oh, I hate that.

00:18:23: Oh, I hate that.

00:18:26: Popular in Saxony very special part of Germany.

00:18:31: Stolen is a fruit bread if not spices and dried or candied fruit coated with pouted sugar or icing sugar and often containing marzipan.

00:18:41: Yum.

00:18:44: No, it's not that bad.

00:18:45: It's very dry though.

00:18:48: Well, you can't have treats without a little bit of punishment, right, Mr.

00:18:51: Wayne?

00:18:52: Um, so get yourself some stolen, some st-stol-stolen?

00:18:57: It's terrible.

00:18:58: Or Christmas biscuits like vanilla keppel.

00:19:01: Vanilla kip feral vanilla kip.

00:19:04: What is that?

00:19:07: Vanilla vanilla kip.

00:19:09: Okay came up immediately.

00:19:11: Oh Yeah, okay.

00:19:13: Okay.

00:19:13: These are fine.

00:19:13: These are like little vanilla cookies.

00:19:15: That's cool.

00:19:17: Vanilla kip fell.

00:19:18: our Austrian German Swiss Czech Slovak and Hungarian Small crescent shaped biscuits.

00:19:24: Wow world traveling cookies.

00:19:25: I love it.

00:19:26: stop saying biscuits.

00:19:28: No, I mean it's normal, but I hate it.

00:19:31: They were originally made with walnuts, but almonds or hazelnuts can also be used.

00:19:35: They get their typical flavor from a heavy dusting of vanilla sugar or as I used to say vanilla.

00:19:42: sufficient generosity with gifts.

00:19:45: Wow, that's a prerequisite.

00:19:47: sufficient generosity with gifts.

00:19:50: Including for the postman, was this article written by a mailman?

00:19:59: Oh, yeah.

00:20:01: So if you want to actually have a good Christmas where Santa doesn't poop in your mailbox, that does happen sometimes.

00:20:07: It's probably best if you leave a couple pairs of Nike size forty-five as a general offering.

00:20:18: You know, that's how.

00:20:22: that's what I've always heard.

00:20:23: That's what he looks to as a mailman partner in the truck smoking a cigarette and nodding his head like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:20:29: And also Marlboro's.

00:20:30: And also a couple pairs of Nike size, forty-five, and maybe some Marlboro Reds.

00:20:36: Yeah, I just, you know, I just rumor, you know, just heard it through the grapevine.

00:20:41: I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good.

00:20:44: My God.

00:20:45: Including for you postman, your building's caretaker.

00:20:48: Yeah, nothing more fun than giving your landlord more money.

00:20:52: Especially since apparently we're giving envelopes of cash for Christmas gifts.

00:20:57: Well Larry, you never did fix my sink and you've raised rent six times in three years.

00:21:02: But here's a little something to say.

00:21:03: thanks.

00:21:05: He comes out in a towel just like a Danny DeVito looking guy.

00:21:08: Alright, thanks.

00:21:09: Now leave me alone.

00:21:12: Merry Christmas.

00:21:13: It's happy holidays.

00:21:14: You're like, whoa, how'd this get political?

00:21:17: Or your building's caretaker or for guests who do not necessarily have to be blood relatives.

00:21:27: Who wrote this, dude?

00:21:31: Okay, when I think of this question, what are the prerequisites for the perfect Christmas?

00:21:35: Part of me is like, oh, a loving atmosphere, your closest friends or family.

00:21:41: and, you know, something like Home Alone and, you know, just positivity, love, forgiveness, and, you know, some singing.

00:21:53: This is like, okay, look dumbass, you need a tree.

00:21:57: Don't leave the tree undecorated, okay?

00:22:00: You're gonna go ahead and put some stuff on the tree.

00:22:03: Throw some... Throw some lettuce on there, something I don't know, I never done it myself.

00:22:09: You're gonna need a little toy Jesus, cause Santa checks for that.

00:22:13: And you're gonna have to sing, okay?

00:22:15: I don't care.

00:22:16: if you can't sing, you're gonna sing, okay?

00:22:18: Get some good food.

00:22:19: I like some stolen, the drier the better, okay?

00:22:21: A lot of raisins.

00:22:22: If there's not a lot of raisins, I'm telling Jesus.

00:22:26: And then he's gonna tell Santa, okay?

00:22:28: I want uh, I want you to have sufficient generosity with the gifts.

00:22:31: Did you give your mail manager his nikes?

00:22:34: I heard him asking for nikes, okay?

00:22:37: Then I want you to go to your landlord and I want you to say hey Here's a thousand dollars cash under the table.

00:22:45: You're not gonna help me more and I know that but his cash anyway also For your guests, invite them over, do all the work, give them some cash to A. And they know what?

00:22:57: They don't have to necessarily be blood relatives.

00:23:02: This was, this was written.

00:23:07: This is written by like, dude, this is written by like some old school ex-male man, current landlord, like mob boss.

00:23:22: Which sweets are typically eaten at Christmas?

00:23:25: I don't understand, I don't understand why articles like this exist.

00:23:28: Honestly, like I'm reading through this because I thought this would be like funny and festive.

00:23:32: The questions they're prompting themselves are questions, this is, you know what this is?

00:23:38: This is like written for aliens.

00:23:41: It's like aliens being like.

00:23:42: Oh, what do the, what, what is Christmas?

00:23:45: And what do the humans need for Christmas time?

00:23:48: Oh, they need a tree.

00:23:49: Oh, but Glowzorp, don't leave the tree naked.

00:23:53: Really, you're sure about that?

00:23:54: Yes, put it in the notes.

00:23:56: Like, okay, what else should we ask?

00:23:57: What else?

00:23:58: How else do we sound normal?

00:24:00: Oh, you should ask what sweets are typically eaten at Christmas.

00:24:03: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good.

00:24:05: Let's see, can we get Michael Cain to read it?

00:24:06: Yeah, of course, of course, he's an alien dude.

00:24:08: Michael?

00:24:09: Yeah, he's finished away.

00:24:10: Come on in, come in in.

00:24:12: So, Christmas Biscuits, known as Plezchen in German, a word that originally meant flat shaped cake, or the undisputed number one Christmas trait, Master Wayne.

00:24:23: Apparently there are thirteen thousand eight hundred and tw- Whaaat?

00:24:31: Apparently there are thirteen thousand eight hundred twenty-four different types of Plezchen nowadays.

00:24:40: How?

00:24:42: How are there?

00:24:43: third how are there nearly fourteen thousand different types of German Christmas cookie like what?

00:24:52: Are there that many ingredients?

00:24:55: Like honest to God are there that many ingredients?

00:24:58: because if once you have like one cookie that has vanilla and Hazelnut in it any other version of that is just a different shape of that.

00:25:07: I think we're really where we're grasping at straws here.

00:25:12: They're classically flavored with things like vanilla.

00:25:15: Oh surprise cinnamon chocolate lemon.

00:25:18: Yes, that's a cyclists recipe right there orange pedophile coffee rum hazelnut almond walnut ginger cardamom and honey and Typically in the form of crescent rings bowls coins.

00:25:35: This sounds like a BDSM interview like.

00:25:38: what is this article honestly?

00:25:42: So I want to get in your crescent.

00:25:43: I got some rings for your balls.

00:25:45: I got coins.

00:25:46: There's hearts.

00:25:47: I got a cube here.

00:25:48: We're gonna see where it goes.

00:25:49: Okay, pal.

00:25:50: Just hold your breath and drink some vanilla syrup.

00:25:57: Normally they are filled.

00:25:59: I bet they are, chief.

00:26:01: With chocolate.

00:26:05: Vanilla jam or marzipan.

00:26:08: Oh my god.

00:26:09: Vanilla Jam and... Vanilla Jam and Marzipan are like the three wise men of Christmas... of Christmas... We come bearing gifts.

00:26:20: I'm Vanilla, this is Jam, and this is Marzipan.

00:26:22: And they're just the three stooges.

00:26:25: Boing!

00:26:26: Ow!

00:26:28: What is the traditional procedure on Christmas Eve, twenty-four December?

00:26:33: Totally written by aliens.

00:26:35: In principle... It's just as Nobel Literature Prize Laureate Thomas, man.

00:26:47: Why give a famous writer such accolades?

00:26:51: This is written by aliens.

00:26:53: That's insane.

00:26:55: That's like saying, in principle, just as Academy Award winning, Pulitzer Prize winning, Grammy winning, Tony winning, author, actor, Dancer and social activist Sean Penn once wrote, it's like, we all know who Sean Penn is.

00:27:18: Don't have to set it up so much.

00:27:19: Just as Nobel, Nobel Literature Prize laureate Thomas Mann, Master White, describes in his nineteen oh one novel, Buddenbrooks.

00:27:29: Everyone sings Christmas carers.

00:27:32: You didn't even need to mention Thomas Mann.

00:27:35: I thought they were going to get to something interesting here.

00:27:38: They're like, okay, what's the traditional procedure?

00:27:41: People sing Christmas carols, just say that.

00:27:44: Oh, what's normally happening on the twenty fourth in Germany?

00:27:46: Well, you know, often people sing, oftentimes people sing traditional carols, they put up the tree, you know, there's usually like a big meal, then after the meal, you know, certain religious households, there's like the Christ kind who brings presents, and yeah, then you open the presents and you hang out and socialize with the family.

00:28:03: Article over with!

00:28:08: This is the dumbest sentence ever.

00:28:10: What's the traditional procedure?

00:28:11: Well, in principle.

00:28:12: It's just as Nobel literature prize laureate Thomas Mann describes in his nineteen oh one novel, Button Brooks.

00:28:20: People sing.

00:28:22: Not worth the buildup.

00:28:25: Then there are the presents under the mighty fir tree decorated with silver tensile.

00:28:32: Dot dot dot GIFs lying everywhere.

00:28:36: GIFs can't lie.

00:28:37: GIFs can't talk.

00:28:41: Then, an overwhelming abundance of foods and drinks is served up.

00:28:46: In practice, the festival nowadays is no longer bound by such a rigid corset of rules.

00:28:52: It's the same rules all the time everywhere!

00:28:57: That's not even strict.

00:28:58: Some people sing.

00:29:01: And then there's presents by a tree and people eat food.

00:29:06: Like, well these days it's not as rigid.

00:29:08: This corset sets of rules.

00:29:10: Those are medieval rules.

00:29:13: We also don't burn witches anymore either.

00:29:15: I wasn't gonna put those two together.

00:29:19: What?

00:29:20: It's like Tim Allen.

00:29:23: Christmas can be a successful combination of all kinds of rituals that make one feel cozy and comfortable.

00:29:28: This is really honest to God written for slow people.

00:29:33: What are the classic Christmas dishes?

00:29:35: Let me think here before I read further Class me a class Mac classic Christmas meals.

00:29:43: So The difficult thing about Germany is that it's it's easier to speak about a specific state or region, right?

00:29:50: Because they have different cultures all around Germany.

00:29:53: For Bavaria, I mean, there's you know, there's like Blauchraut.

00:29:55: That's very southern.

00:29:56: There's of course, there's like Well, I mean if his mom makes a goose, right?

00:30:05: No.

00:30:06: Yeah, right, right?

00:30:08: Yes.

00:30:09: Yeah For some reason my brain was like ostrich.

00:30:13: It's ostrich for sure.

00:30:15: She makes an ostrich There's no shot in hell.

00:30:18: She makes an ostrich imagine a seven foot tall bird in her freezer And he's like don't forget to decorate the tree.

00:30:31: Yeah, it's a goose.

00:30:32: Yeah, so I'd never had that.

00:30:33: I had never eaten a goose before before Christmas in Germany.

00:30:36: It's awesome though.

00:30:37: It's pretty it's really juicy.

00:30:38: It's nice The juice the goose.

00:30:41: I'm just a juicy goosey.

00:30:42: I'm trying to think what else we have.

00:30:46: I mean I have a feeling that I have a feeling that we brought like we brought like truffle mashed potatoes to the to the tradition Don't?

00:30:58: well.

00:30:58: Well, I know we did that.

00:31:00: I know we created like not created but we.

00:31:02: you know Thanksgiving came into this.

00:31:04: you know our circles Because of me, so I think there's some foods that we had from Thanksgiving that people like a lot like mac and cheese.

00:31:11: and well No, we don't do that at Christmas though.

00:31:12: That is only Thanksgiving.

00:31:13: We're trying to think of what else is.

00:31:16: well green beans for sure.

00:31:17: Oh, yeah green beans mashed potatoes The goose a lot of red wine.

00:31:23: Yeah I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things, but that's the.

00:31:25: that's the basics.

00:31:27: You know, there's like salad a lot of salad like Like carrot salad cucumber salad, I think I mean they make that a lot.

00:31:35: Maybe I'm just confusing what they make a lot with what they have at Christmas.

00:31:37: But for sure mashed potatoes green beans and goose.

00:31:40: Let's see what they say here.

00:31:43: According to surveys already don't like it already not happy with this Potato salad with sausages is still in pole position.

00:31:55: Pole position what is the potato salad with sausages us?

00:31:59: Is what are we talking about?

00:32:01: magic Mike?

00:32:03: As far as favorite dishes for Christmas Eve are concerned Literally never I mean again.

00:32:10: It's just state-by-state, but they're like, you know what every German in the entire country has Tater salad and wieners like yeah some I mean I mean I bet this is written by an Eastern German.

00:32:24: Yes, on our, we always are having, it's so normal.

00:32:30: All of the things that we do are very normal.

00:32:33: You should write this article right now and tell all of the people that, that it is normal to do this.

00:32:40: And we also do it in the nude, in a sauna.

00:32:44: And we drink alcohol-free vites and it's very nice.

00:32:49: Tell them, tell them it's nice so they stop judging us.

00:32:54: According to surveys potato salad sausage closely followed by fondue and raclette.

00:32:59: so I'm gonna go ahead and stop you right there.

00:33:04: look I've got a lot of German friends.

00:33:08: could be that a fondue and raclette is Something they've they do in their household.

00:33:16: I'm willing to accept that I I could very much be wrong.

00:33:23: As far as I know raclette by the way Before I let me just say that sentence first.

00:33:32: as far as I know reclet is almost primarily reserved for New years, but let me explain what reclet is first Because I didn't know what it was at all.

00:33:46: my mom might know but just in case someone like her Does not know it is a dish of Swiss origin Also popular in the other alpine countries France, Italy, Germany, Austria based on heating cheese and usually also other things And so like reclet is basically like the.

00:34:11: It's like the act.

00:34:12: It's like the.

00:34:14: It's weird because it's I don't like doing it because it's like I. Either one like make food and then have the food be ready and then it can just eat it or not make the food.

00:34:23: But reclet is like a job And I, I really don't like it.

00:34:29: I really don't like it.

00:34:29: It's basically, I mean, I like, look, I like burnt melted cheese as much as every other American.

00:34:37: But the process is strange.

00:34:38: So the classic like modern reclet setup is pretty simple.

00:34:43: It's like, imagine you have what looks like, almost what looks like a George Foreman grill in front of you, like one of those like small square sort of compact heating things, but instead of Instead of it opening up and you're putting something on top of it, it's heated inside and there's these little square shaped like drawers.

00:35:05: Like, I mean, they're the size of your palm.

00:35:07: They're small.

00:35:09: And it's like a little drawer, like a little, a tiny little like underwear drawer, the size of your palm for cheese and sometimes other things too, like onions and potatoes, whatever.

00:35:21: So it's small.

00:35:22: It's about, I don't know, a quarter inch thick.

00:35:25: it's just a small little square pan.

00:35:27: it has a handle and you have the hot like oven thing on the table.

00:35:31: so it's it's very communal which is a nice part about it.

00:35:34: and then you like slot you know you put your cheese and your gunk and whatever in this little box and you slide it in to this little you know holster like a gun like shoot or you know like a sword or something.

00:35:46: and then you check it now and then and when it's all melted and gooey to your liking or in most cases burnt.

00:35:53: Then you take it out, scrape it off onto your plate, mix it with what you want to mix it with, eat it, and start the process over.

00:36:01: I have only ever seen people do that for New Year's.

00:36:06: I've never seen that for Christmas.

00:36:07: But again, I have a lot of German friends.

00:36:10: Maybe they do this.

00:36:11: Maybe I don't know about it.

00:36:14: So it says one survey shows that two hundred eighty eight hours.

00:36:17: Two hundred eighty eight hours are spent on average mainly by women.

00:36:25: Surprise preparing for the festival For the festival by the time Christmas Eve arrives the festival.

00:36:33: I think they mean the festivities, right?

00:36:37: It's not a festival.

00:36:38: It's not like Coachella or something.

00:36:40: But yeah, I mean surprise surprise in a in a. I mean I'm not like.

00:36:48: There's nothing good or bad about it.

00:36:49: if people and for me it's like yeah, of course it's mainly by women I mean have you been to Europe?

00:36:57: It's still still pretty traditional certain a lot of households still traditional even if even if it's a cool household and They're not suppressed or something.

00:37:06: It's just.

00:37:06: it's just.

00:37:07: it's still common But there is.

00:37:10: there's a lot of shift.

00:37:11: There's I think this this these hours probably used to be a lot higher.

00:37:15: I do think that a lot of millennial men are one of the first generations.

00:37:19: that helps out quite a lot.

00:37:20: I mean, there's some Gen Xers, but there's a lot of millennials too.

00:37:24: I think that I saw a stat once that was like millennial fathers spend something like three hundred percent more time with their kids than their like boomer generation parents did with them.

00:37:39: Even if they had a good childhood, it's just like the like.

00:37:41: just the sheer amount of time spent with them is higher.

00:37:45: And I'm like, oh, that makes a ton of sense.

00:37:48: So I think that those hours probably have gone down a lot.

00:37:51: But yeah, I think it's still at a lot of households.

00:37:53: Again, you have to think about like the entire country and the eastern side as well.

00:37:57: Like then you get into more like Eastern Europe behavior.

00:38:01: And that's still also like quite traditional to, you know, to an extent depends on the household.

00:38:06: Traditionalists like to serve the family a goose.

00:38:10: Well, well, well.

00:38:16: Finally, something reasonable.

00:38:19: Yes.

00:38:19: I didn't realize that was a traditionalist value.

00:38:23: But you know, if that's true, we learn something every day.

00:38:25: They serve the family a goose with dumplings.

00:38:28: Yes, that's what I forgot.

00:38:29: I knew I was forgetting something.

00:38:31: Dumplings, not like, and don't get it mixed up.

00:38:34: It's not like, like Chinese dumplings.

00:38:38: It's like Knudel is like, I don't know how to explain that.

00:38:43: How do I?

00:38:45: because it translates directly to dumpling, but I'm trying to think like, how do you describe that?

00:38:54: Maybe I can, oh yeah, so it's a dumpling, yes, but it's, oh yeah, so it's made for, it's Bavarian potato dumpling, made from dough and stuff.

00:39:03: Well, it can be made, I guess, from potato or dough.

00:39:05: Let me see here, so.

00:39:06: Dumplings, these kinds of dumplings, these knudel, are made from a variety of... varying like composition you know depending on the recipe.

00:39:16: they're usually formed into balls nice and poached poached in salted water or steamed.

00:39:23: some recipes call for fillings right.

00:39:26: so that's like of this big soft dumpling that's like boiled and it's really tastes like potato dumplings and semolina dumplings bread dumplings meat dumplings fish dumplings.

00:39:41: Usually it's I mean the most common one or the one that I have around Christmas time is the dough With like toasted bread mixed in and it's it's really tasty.

00:39:52: They even have like sweet sweet dumplings for like desserts and stuff.

00:39:57: But I love it.

00:39:58: That one's good.

00:39:58: Yeah, and red cabbage.

00:40:01: Yeah Yeah, so you're turning it into like turning it into like kraut.

00:40:07: Yeah, five two, you know which carols are sung at christmas?

00:40:12: dude if someone was googling what like what songs do are like?

00:40:22: what should i sing at christmas time?

00:40:25: that person needs to be eliminated.

00:40:26: man survival of the fittest.

00:40:30: for a reason my guy like.

00:40:34: so do you sing like Who?

00:40:36: let the dogs out by the Baja man?

00:40:44: Are you are you like dude?

00:40:48: Are you singing like drops of Jupiter by train?

00:40:53: In her head her head are you singing like?

00:40:59: Living love you to Luke.

00:41:00: Oh my guy.

00:41:02: Hey, welcome to the Christmas party.

00:41:12: Let me see what they say here.

00:41:13: the office for Christmas carols in the Austrian city of Graz.

00:41:18: Already a bad start.

00:41:19: Don't go to Austria.

00:41:23: Sorry, Austrians.

00:41:24: I love you A lot of you, not all of you, some of you.

00:41:28: The Office for Christmas Carols in the Austrian city of Graz has around twelve thousand songs in its archive, almost as many types of Christmas cookies, apparently.

00:41:40: Christmas carols are a bit like the master key when it comes to unlocking the Christmas mood.

00:41:49: Can't hate a sentence more than that.

00:41:51: Ninety percent of Germans would not wish.

00:41:54: Ninety percent of Germans would not wish to spend Christmas without them.

00:41:58: dude who wrote this garbage?

00:42:05: Ninety percent of Germans would not wish to spend Christmas without them.

00:42:11: Wow How about you just say?

00:42:13: how about you just say?

00:42:16: Like on average based on our studies ninety percent of Germans still seeing them every year They would not wish to spend Christmas without them.

00:42:26: Jesus dude, eat a dumpling.

00:42:28: The most famous carol in the world is without doubt, Silence Night.

00:42:36: That checks.

00:42:37: It was first sung in Austria.

00:42:41: I thought I didn't know it came from Austria.

00:42:44: And it has been in eighteen eighteen.

00:42:46: I thought it was way before that.

00:42:47: And has been translated into more than three hundred languages and dialects.

00:42:53: Wow.

00:42:54: When I was in Paris recently some old guy got onto the subway like the underground train Right next to me.

00:43:04: Could not have been more awkward.

00:43:05: immediately walked down to a different carriage and he started singing Silent Night and he tried to do it in like four languages.

00:43:13: Shoulda just stuck with the French one.

00:43:17: He was singing French Silenite and then he got to English and you could tell he had like a notepad like taped to his guitar with the text because he doesn't speak any other languages, but he wanted to sing it different languages.

00:43:29: and then he was like Silent The night and he played the guitar wrong.

00:43:36: I mean, I made him sound German, but my god.

00:43:38: Is there such a thing as Oh, last question guys, and then I'm gonna wrap this up because what a hoot this article has been.

00:43:45: Is there such a thing as a quote unquote?

00:43:48: modern Christmas?

00:43:52: Who wrote this garbage?

00:43:55: I would say that a modern Christmas, this is definitely by a German, I would say that a modern Christmas is characterized by a welcome relaxation of customs.

00:44:06: What?

00:44:08: A fir tree?

00:44:08: Hmm.

00:44:09: Maybe not the best thing from an ecological point of view, DEFINITELY written by a German!

00:44:17: Roast goose?

00:44:19: Perhaps it's a bit too brutal for vegetarians.

00:44:23: Ah, sorry.

00:44:25: It's gross.

00:44:26: I'm stuffy.

00:44:27: Instead, people tend to focus nowadays on the original idea of the festival.

00:44:31: Namely, that it's a good thing to get the whole family together once a year to share a meal.

00:44:35: to spend time together to treat one another with gifts, including the gifts of being close and providing a sense of security.

00:44:45: And in some cases, to use material gifts to signal, colon, I've been thinking about you and about your wishes.

00:44:54: What a sentence.

00:44:56: Like I, I agree that like Christmas is mainly like what's most important, no matter what you're eating or, you know, if you have a tree or not, I mean, get a little plastic tree or something.

00:45:08: It's nice.

00:45:09: It's nice to feel that it's nice.

00:45:11: But the whole point being like, yeah, it's nice to get the family together, people that you love together, sharing meals, spend some time.

00:45:20: Totally agree with that.

00:45:22: But I love this last part of like, and in some cases, to use material gifts to signal, I've been thinking about you and about your wishes.

00:45:34: Like I've been thinking about you or like I think they should have some sort of said like our.

00:45:38: using using gifts to signify that you've had your loved ones on your mind.

00:45:44: Using material gifts to signify to your loved ones that you care You want to make them happy?

00:45:52: But I love that instead.

00:45:53: It's like I'm watching you.

00:45:57: I'm reading your journal.

00:45:59: I entered your emails illegally And I know what you'll watch late at night on incognito mode.

00:46:11: So I have some very interesting presents for you.

00:46:17: And you're like, mom, there's a guy talking to me through the window.

00:46:21: He's outside.

00:46:23: Henry, the pedophile's back.

00:46:24: Call the police.

00:46:33: Not a bad siren sound, huh?

00:46:35: Okay, guys, look, with all of that, I hope you had fun, hope you had a good laugh.

00:46:40: Don't do anything that this article said.

00:46:41: This is ass written by.

00:46:44: oh, it was written by a German.

00:46:45: Oh, I knew it.

00:46:46: Her name is Clara Krug and she wrote this article fifteen days ago.

00:46:51: So good for you Clara Clara Krug.

00:46:56: Get out of here Clara.

00:46:58: Come to me next time.

00:46:59: I'll teach you about German Christmas.

00:47:02: No, but um Yeah, be nice be nice to people Be grateful for the things you have.

00:47:12: appreciate the people in your life that you love because you never know, you know, how suddenly things can change.

00:47:19: Don't wait to tell your friends or your family that you love them.

00:47:23: Don't wait to fix issues you have with people that you're close to.

00:47:28: Don't, you know, don't put things off because life is chaotic and can be scary and it can be intense and it can change really fast.

00:47:38: And this is the time of year.

00:47:39: I think what's most important is to open your heart and to forgive and to make sure to express genuine love.

00:47:48: and Yeah, to make sure that people know that they that you see them I think a lot of.

00:47:55: in this weird like modern world Isolation is far too prevalent And oftentimes a lot of people can go sometimes weeks without feeling seen by people that they love and care about.

00:48:12: So if you're that person, make sure to communicate and talk to people.

00:48:19: And a lot of things move fast and things get busy.

00:48:26: you know it's it's just important to stay in contact because like our relationships and the love and uh sort of yeah the the love and the relationships we have to each other that's more important than anything.

00:48:40: so um it's a good it's that perfect time of the year to sort of like wash off things you wish that could have been different see things as like a new chapter as a break from the chaos of the world And to hug and reminisce about good times.

00:48:55: share some food.

00:48:58: You know watch Forest Gump on TV with a lot of commercial breaks far too many commercial breaks, but do it together and Have some wine and have some.

00:49:11: yeah have some good food.

00:49:13: hug and Look your look your love like look your loved ones in the eye.

00:49:19: I know I'm getting serious, but like do it.

00:49:21: It's important.

00:49:22: Make people that you love know that they're loved, because that's the most important thing.

00:49:28: See, I could have written this article in my sleep, dude.

00:49:31: I could have written this article better on the toilet, on my phone, man.

00:49:37: Like, be earnest, be sweet, tell your loved ones that you love them because life goes fast, all right?

00:49:43: Enjoy some good food.

00:49:44: I don't know when this will come back on.

00:49:46: I might be able to do one next week, probably not.

00:49:48: If not, then I'll do one.

00:49:51: If not before the new year, then just after.

00:49:54: I love you guys.

00:49:54: Thank you for another amazing year of artsy fartsy immigrants.

00:49:59: You guys mean everything to me.

00:50:01: I really am so happy every time that I get to do something like this and knowing that I have some people who listen to this every week or every time I release just brings me a lot of joy and I love making people laugh and I just appreciate you all very much.

00:50:20: Yeah.

00:50:21: There's the link to my book and anything else you might want in the show notes.

00:50:27: And have yourselves a merry little Christmas.

00:50:56: you.