00:00:36: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to a brand new episode of Artsy Fartsy Immigrants.

00:00:40: It has been quite some time And there are a lot things To get into today.

00:00:47: First off just apologies for not Making more frequent episodes But once we get in the meat Of this particular episode You're gonna understand why I sort of unintentionally Took an unplanned break.

00:01:03: Basically, I think what's best is probably just to jump right into it.

00:01:07: You might have noticed the title of this episode and that been going through a lot of changes recently.

00:01:35: And I think, well you know what better platform or you know... What better avenue to express?

00:01:44: Or go-through said changes than with the podcast.

00:01:49: that was originally The reason why i even got into listening to podcasts in the first place..the main reason Why I started wanting To make one years ago God, I think it's seven years ago now.

00:02:04: It was crazy The reason why i got into all of this and Why?

00:02:09: You know continue to do it hopefully more frequently Now that I have made the changes That I've made.

00:02:18: Hopefully This will continue To be a great platform And avenue for me to explore these Changes in my life.

00:02:26: Only goal and wish is that with the brutal, occasionally brutal honesty That will accompany these podcasts And these testimonies if you want to call them that.

00:02:39: My only goal or wish was that With them There's some help Or some sense of community or connection For people like YOU People out there who might have also gone through something similar To me.

00:02:54: So twenty three days Twenty-three days is how long I have been sober and i use that word really, really um accurately to How you think of it when?

00:03:09: It comes to addiction.

00:03:12: So i'm gonna go ahead And just put this right out there here at the very top okay.

00:03:17: I debated about discussing it point blank on The podcast.

00:03:24: I debated if i wanted to be this honest with strangers.

00:03:30: You know, I have a lot of friends and you know family who listen to this And they already know everything.

00:03:37: so I didn't have any issue With that as If was trying To hide something.

00:03:43: But when your...I don't like the term public figure but in a sense In a sense I kind Of am um..to a point.

00:03:53: And when you have an audience, You kind of debate to yourself how much your real life do you want there?

00:04:02: To be How Much Of It Do U Want Out There.

00:04:05: How much of it do u want the world and ur following in?

00:04:09: everyone too know about ?

00:04:11: How Much Your Real Life Do You Want To Press?

00:04:15: Well not press but push out ther right?

00:04:20: So I debated for quite some time how long I would wait before talking about this and... ...I debated on if i wanted to do it at all.

00:04:30: but recently, I have had a really wonderful sort of self-awakening with sobriety.

00:04:39: And I think the best thing that can be done is absolutely not hide from people who might also struggle or enjoy Hearing that they're not alone with these things because my god.

00:04:55: That is one hundred percent What I realized?

00:04:59: I needed and I didn't realize it until much, much later on And i'm so thankful that I realized.

00:05:07: now the talking about It's actually like the best thing that could have happened to me.

00:05:11: So that's why i'm here talking about this today.

00:05:14: So ladies and gentlemen i'm going to go ahead and say The expression Practicing to get more comfortable saying, it's still something that identifiably is you know understandably a bit tough too.

00:05:32: Get used to but its important.

00:05:36: I'm an alcoholic and i am so thankful.

00:05:45: I had a very revelatory experience in my very first AA meeting recently.

00:06:18: not like getting too comfortable with the situation.

00:06:27: Well, maybe this is a wrong way to put it.

00:06:30: basically I'm going two people in one capacity or another whether that's back and therapy Or at this outpatient clinic or an AA?

00:06:40: i'm In a place where i'm sharing my story And listening to other people stories and getting advice.

00:06:51: Yeah, getting the help that I for so long really needed and convinced myself that i did not need.

00:06:59: And... So now im really comfortable and happy to be talking about this!

00:07:05: Particularly- This is why wanted start with it particularly Im really happy to talk about because of especially AA.

00:07:15: For anyone who's never gone into any sort Anonymous group, whether it be you know for narcotics or there's Alenon also.

00:07:25: There's the groups four People who whose parents were addicts and how they struggled?

00:07:31: And for people have never You know participants had to or did participate in any of these groups.

00:07:39: Side note I think that AA is like honestly great just For everybody even people don't have issues And I'll tell you why because, or people who don't have addiction problems that should specify.

00:08:12: I was scared of the most.

00:08:22: i guess because in a way it kind of made it real, if that makes sense?

00:08:27: like even though i was already going to the outpatient clinic and... ...even though..i was already you know um in the first steps of getting the help that i needed....I um wait is someone mowing the lawn?

00:08:44: hopefully you guys can't hear that noise!

00:08:47: well its-it's uh hot Sunny Saturday, so someone's probably mowing the lawn.

00:08:51: Hope that's not too noisy for you guys.

00:08:54: Basically I think you know a a. yeah i'd only ever seen it depicted in You Know Movies and TV shows And I think something about That is what?

00:09:07: I was more afraid of because once For me Once The news or once the truth Of being an alcoholic Was no longer Something I could hide something but something knew was true and now had to like really face it.

00:09:21: Once that part was over, I felt an enormous sense of relief but the idea of AA terrified me because still kept sort of tricking myself or convincing my self in one way or another.

00:09:38: well thats a step i dont need you know.

00:09:43: Like that would be something like, oh well obviously I don't need THAT.

00:09:47: You know?

00:09:47: That's for the real people!

00:09:49: People with the REAL problems you

00:09:50: know?!

00:09:53: But...that is actually a really bad way to look at it and i see that now so grateful for having gone And I really look forward to going back if that makes sense.

00:10:06: So let me start in the beginning then im gonna get into why I think AA is just so spectacular and why I think people should just go to things like this because it's so therapeutic and cathartic.

00:10:20: But let me start at the beginning, without giving away every part of my story cause there are some thing that is still personal what i will say you know theres only things I share in AA or things with my counselors.

00:10:39: But what I will say is that um, i am an alcoholic and it started you know probably the increase to a point where like It could have...I Could've already Like Thought about maybe cutting back.

00:10:55: I would say was even A year ago?

00:10:58: Like it wasn't as bad As it was when I finally uh Was You Know caught And you know Um Confronted About It.

00:11:08: Thankfully It wasn't as bad there at the very end before I finally stopped drinking, but it was still increasing incrementally.

00:11:19: and that's how it is.

00:11:20: Very gradual.

00:11:22: You might start having a drink Let's say like The morning after A party where normally you would...I remember wanting to have nothing To do with alcohol After a party.

00:11:38: I remember that even like as recent, living in Germany.

00:11:41: Like having a party and be like oh my god i'll never drink again the rest of my life.

00:11:45: And you know then there's this interesting thing That takes place that is gradual where suddenly You start seeing alcohol In very different way from how it How you used to see It.

00:12:02: There are some changes.

00:12:04: Its so subtle that its crazy It's.

00:12:08: and you always tell, you know You have people who say like well.

00:12:11: Why can't you?

00:12:12: why couldn't you just stop?

00:12:13: I could you just put things down?

00:12:15: And those are very naive questions.

00:12:16: i mean it's Why do you think that?

00:12:20: I Mean II mean I never liked the question to begin with even before I became an alcoholic.

00:12:25: but I Really Don't like that attitude towards it because it's just not that easy is just not.

00:12:33: reality Is just on how it works.

00:12:37: But anyway, what my point is?

00:12:39: it's gradual and Around I would say Yeah.

00:12:45: I guess about a year ago It started to really pick up.

00:12:48: And because it so gradual you don't see or think Or really know that there's a problem forming.

00:12:58: So by the time that the problem does form its way too late and you're in the thick of it, that's where the disease really takes over.

00:13:09: You can't do anything about it anymore as probably every addict who is working on sobriety will tell you.

00:13:21: So... About a year ago was increasing And then The last six months before everything came to light about my problem Or my choices and behaviors I was making.

00:13:36: when before everything came to light it Was really bad, and it was at the point where I knew that It was too much.

00:13:45: but i You know Like every other alcoholic.

00:13:50: I was hiding it.

00:13:51: you knows Hiding from people closest To me literally no one new.

00:13:56: there were some.

00:13:57: I was getting sloppy At The end And thankfully That's how I got caught.

00:14:02: My therapist says that she believes, That could have been my subconscious choosing to get sloppy with hiding the bottles and hiding you know... Hiding the drinking as much I was.

00:14:17: And i like think it's probably- It feels true for me Like I wanted stop but actually just couldn't then became more of a solution like the more guilt I had about doing it, and the more i hid it.

00:14:32: The worse i felt.

00:14:34: hence then i would drink to you know numb that feeling into feel better again uh artificially.

00:14:43: And thats a very common story.

00:14:45: That's a Very Common Problem.

00:14:47: Thats Like How It Happens For A Lot Of People And...I um yeah..it was overzealous It was an insane amount that I was participating in, and... ...I was hiding it.

00:15:06: And no one knew about it.

00:15:09: Towards the end when i was getting sloppy there were some concerns- I was addressed about it privately by you know some people very close to me.. ..and of course you know I was drunk and lied about that too!

00:15:20: To their faces which later apologized for everything whenever they came to life You know, then you're filled with just immense shame and guilt for lying.

00:15:30: And then they keep drinking da-da-da.

00:15:32: Anyway finally twenty three days ago as of this recording I Was confronted by people very very very close to me and was kind of given a pretty serious Like the most serious ultimatum of my life about you know, keeping them Keeping this.

00:16:01: You know these people in my life or not?

00:16:04: If I kept lying, you know.

00:16:05: so I accepted.

00:16:08: I knew they weren't kidding and do.

00:16:09: They weren't bluffing And The relationships In My Life are Far far more important to me than Then i then i can't give Enough to these people And the people I'm talking about every.

00:16:26: you know that you guys know who you are and stuff, and I can't like I Don't.

00:16:32: it's hard to explain what?

00:16:34: I'm trying to say here.

00:16:34: Like I cared so much About the people in my life and It took an ultimatum Maybe like if with it took the ultimatums of like You were.

00:16:46: you know we're out of your life like we're Out Of Your Life.

00:16:51: It took that ultimatum to just kind of shock me out.

00:16:54: Of the lie and thank God it did.

00:16:57: oh man, they're relief The relief of Of not hiding anymore.

00:17:07: you have no idea And I want to try give you some idea When you when you lie as much As i was every alcoholic or addict does and will, because they are at that point completely a slave to the desire.

00:17:34: When you lie in high that much your only goal is not get caught it's your only go all day long seven days of week.

00:17:48: Then you feel shame and guilt about all the lying in hiding, so keep drinking or doing your drugs.

00:17:53: And then think to yourself... Well now I'm really an asshole because i am lying AND HIDING AND I'M STILL DRINKING.

00:18:03: If could just quit than wouldn't even get caught!

00:18:06: And no one would know any better that it'd be good.

00:18:08: but then when you can't and feel bad cause you cant drink more its this horrible cycle And it just goes on and on, I mean... It's so draining.

00:18:27: The most draining is like a marathon!

00:18:32: Every single day of not wanting to be near an area where you have hidden Bottles or you know, you haven't?

00:18:47: you check in your mind like a thousand times thinking oh did I Put that away.

00:18:53: Did I store?

00:18:54: That correctly, you know are they gonna?

00:18:56: no In my am i screwed You Know and And that's just so exhausting.

00:19:07: it's crazy And It takes up every single facet of Your Brain Power Wondering to yourself if you're about to get caught of today's the day, If that was protected or not and factor that in with The fact That if your'e Not for just a second.

00:19:28: Not thinking About if You're gonna Get Caught And How Bad Do Feel Because Thats All You Think About.

00:19:34: Then Your Only Other Thought Process Is When Can You Get The Next Drink?

00:19:40: Isn't That Just So?

00:19:41: It'S so Crazy It's so crazy!

00:19:44: When I look back on it now, i really can't believe how my thoughts were always on when... ...I was going to be able to drink.

00:19:56: And all of the events that I went through and ALL OF THE... All of the obligations I had to fulfill all revolved around making sure that I either had alcohol with me, so that i wouldn't you know not have it on me.

00:20:22: Don't really know a better way to say that?

00:20:24: um...I wouldn't get antsy!

00:20:25: You know if I knew that it would be there then I couldn't drink it right?

00:20:33: And If I didn't know when I could get it Then I'd really get bitter and antsy and almost psychosomatically Create withdrawal feelings in my head.

00:20:43: or maybe it was real.

00:20:44: I mean, It's real in my Head so i guess is as Real as it can be.

00:20:49: and Then because of that your yeah you're either like just feigning for when That drink will Be wondering When Wondering when that drink will be, wondering how you can get the drink and then on top of it I was always wondering how to hide this drink.

00:21:06: How bad do feel because your not present in a moment but only thinking about drinking.

00:21:11: so we finally got our drinks are feeding two different kinds monsters... And its just horrible!

00:21:19: Its just

00:21:19: horrible!!

00:21:21: And your pushing people away like hell just lying and hiding, and fabricating.

00:21:30: And pretending so much!

00:21:33: It is astounding what you will do to get that

00:21:41: drink.".

00:21:43: So when I finally had this ultimatum and knew it had to stop... ...I was so relieved.

00:21:53: And some of that, I mean... Of course tons of shame and guilt.

00:22:03: Just an ocean of shame-and-guilt You know?

00:22:06: That's something i'm gonna have to be working through.

00:22:09: There is a lot of forgiveness that I've bestowed upon myself and received from the lovely people in my life.

00:22:18: But there always going to be shadows at past creeping up Behaviors.

00:22:23: you made choices you make Decisions you made That will linger, you know in your head and that's stuff.

00:22:31: That's uh You know my demons And the job now is to not fall back on drinking when those demons win Like when those Demons win their argument and you do just feel like an awful awful unworthy person.

00:22:49: then than like The hard part Is um Not drinking When they've won the battle In that moment.

00:22:58: So that's why you, you know go to AA and That's why?

00:23:02: You build friendships in relationships with people who have gone through exactly the same things and worse And there's always someone with a case where you immediately connect with them and feel for them.

00:23:18: I think Shout out my friend Al guy.

00:23:24: he spent his two-and-a-half years sober.

00:23:25: He lives in Australia.

00:23:28: He's having a baby with good friend of ours named Lauren, wonderful guy.

00:23:34: And I knew that he was sober and when things came out for me... ...I think it was like fourteen days or something in When i wrote him.

00:23:42: finally It was like hey man!

00:23:43: I would just love to hear some advice.

00:23:45: He has been so supportive To Me.

00:23:47: We have weekly phone calls planned In our phones And he called me and we spoke for hours.

00:23:55: He recommended books to me that I've ordered, this very nice guy named Daniel from the outpatient clinic has recommended a lot of things to me have been very helpful but what Al said really had an effect on me was Focused and realizing that just life is just so much better without alcohol Is the?

00:24:31: It's going to aa And The stories you hear there, and the connection.

00:24:35: You feel they're in there, you know.

00:24:36: There's like certain rules about it Certain rules about you know, you're not allowed too.

00:24:42: You know cut like that was an interesting thing for me to learn Was that when people tell their story Um, you know someone's saying they're not doing well.

00:24:53: They really wanted to drink and...they didn't do it today but their taking care of there sick family member And..their struggling that your'e not supposed at all say anything like its gonna be alright You did good today.

00:25:06: stay strong.

00:25:08: Its only just quiet acceptance without judgement.

00:25:13: That was a new thing for me because I'm the type person who hearing something like the stories I heard in AA, my gut instinct is to like unmute because i did it over zoom.

00:25:22: The first one there's a lot- There's one on Zoom every hour!

00:25:25: Um...there's uh this overwhelming urge inside of me who want say hey but look what you made that cup of coffee instead you know, instead of picking up like a bottle of wine from the gas station or something You know good for you.

00:25:42: You made the right choice.

00:25:43: It's gonna be alright stay strong.

00:25:45: it was very hard to me to sit there quietly and with along with everyone else And just applaud them for sharing, you know?

00:25:54: It's a weird feeling and I'm going to have to get used to that.

00:25:57: but... There is outpatient clinic!

00:26:01: There are therapy, Al who helping me My experience with AA, and this is what the whole point of this episode really is to get too like... What that was.

00:26:12: I would heavily encourage people To give it a shot even if they're just looking for a sense Of community Because i signed in very nervously Like as said at start.

00:26:32: you know It was kind of like the thing that would have in a sense confirmed to me even further, Even though I'd been in a clinic already.

00:26:44: The things they could've convinced or made more concrete In a sense That i am an alcoholic and there's still part Of your brain that wants To tell yourself you're not as bad off As them which is stupid and a very naive way of looking at it.

00:27:08: And I joined the Zoom, and there's all these people from... All over the world!

00:27:15: There were people from Australia they're in and People from the States where we signed in.

00:27:22: It was like this perfect time today Where people could either start their morning with it Which i think is good For me.

00:27:27: it was lunchtime for Australia And I immediately, with people that were of different ages.

00:27:39: There was a guy in there who's like seventy... ...there where people in their couple-people around my age A lot women, couple older guys People from Switzerland and Brazil The widest ranging group you could possibly imagine.

00:27:58: And there I am thinking, oh i'm not going to have anything in common with them.

00:28:02: Im gonna do this meeting because otherwise ill never start it and then I will think for their time.

00:28:08: maybe Ill speak at some point and boy did I speak!

00:28:13: Then I'll find another one.

00:28:16: but you know a lot of people go different meetings.

00:28:17: You don't just pick on or stick with that.

00:28:19: But I wasn't thinking about getting much out from the particular group.

00:28:25: Well...I was completely wrong.

00:28:28: It did not matter at all that there were people in their who are you know, in the seventies or women and they're fifties or mothers.

00:28:36: Or you know factory worker guys some sixty-year old guy You know just listening in from the road.

00:28:43: his phone was like on a stashboard which I think it's kind of cool.

00:28:46: um...you Know it wasn't weird In the slightest, you know it's there.

00:28:55: There's that classic sort of a bit of uncomfortable feeling Joining something for the first time.

00:29:02: I had this moment in my head when i first signed in and I was The only new person And I of course I signed in exactly on time and This elderly man Answered the phone.

00:29:18: he is one like I guess the curators or people who set It up.

00:29:24: They said welcome and then I don't know how we got to where he explained.

00:29:28: Where?

00:29:28: Was.

00:29:30: But i think because, I was new And stuff i think He, was like you Know are You in the right place or something?

00:29:37: and i said i think i'm In The Right Place and he's Like.

00:29:38: well this is for people who suffer from alcohol addiction like Myself and i Said oh and Then my gut reaction was The first thing it was like, it's improv-thing where I didn't even think before I spoke.

00:29:50: It just said oh that yeah That i'm in the right place and then you just they hit me that I said that Like I am in the Right Place for people with alcohol addiction.

00:30:02: But very Very quickly They know they read a little bit from what?

00:30:07: They call the big book.

00:30:08: it's essentially like A bible For Alcoholics.

00:30:12: its Its D like Book Alcoholics Anonymous follows.

00:30:18: for those who don't know because I didn't own.

00:30:21: it was founded in the thirties And at the time, you know There is part of the steps that are all about believing and higher power.

00:30:32: But when it was originally written.

00:30:33: It was like specified to God and The book the older writings in the books similar to the Bible It does have like older passages from the old days and then it has like updates from, you know newer contributors.

00:30:48: It's a very big book.

00:30:50: I have not even cracked a dent in this thing yet but they do a little bit of reading uh... From that.

00:30:58: And Then They Get Into The Open Room Like Okay Anyone Can Talk.

00:31:01: Now when i got to the open talk Part Of Me Wanted To Get Mine Out Of The Way But Someone Else Spoke Up First.

00:31:14: It was so emotional for me.

00:31:19: These people shared some of the like darkest most personal Most, I don't want to say embarrassing.

00:31:31: it wasn't embarrassing stuff but you know dark realities Of what they've done in their lives What they go through themselves Stuff they did in the past.

00:31:47: that still haunts them Some of their accomplishments.

00:31:53: How long?

00:31:53: They've been sober And it's just, It was fascinating not only as Not just like anthropologically or socially.

00:32:06: Not learning about people In that way but it was fascinating.

00:32:12: Sorry I'm drawing while i talk.

00:32:19: Hmm, try to think the best way not only because of just listening to people and learning about their history but it was fascinating To see.

00:32:28: Just how safe of a space that really Really truly is?

00:32:35: And How its expected That this You immediately you meet like you immediately realize Sorry for me Like trying to find the words so much here But It Is Still Such A New Thing For Me You you immediately realize that this is probably the only place in the entire world all day and all night Where these people most of these people can really talk.

00:33:05: That was the feeling.

00:33:05: You get you realized like wow, this is so deeply Truly purely honest communication.

00:33:15: I don't know how to put it any better.

00:33:16: It's just Don't know like I was just at the Munich Film Fest and you know, there's just their small talk And then there's friendly talk.

00:33:23: Then There's a little bit of interpersonal stuff.

00:33:26: This Was The Most Truthful Human Interaction That i've ever experienced Like the realest Of Real With These Strangers And I Immediately Know All Their Names.

00:33:41: I don't Meet Seven Strangers in an Hour and Know Their NAMES!

00:33:46: Because You're just impacted by like real people.

00:33:51: and it was really a-like, It's the strange word I'm about to say for this but it was so beautiful.

00:33:57: And immediately understood what Al meant when he said that AA is the single handedly most impactful thing.

00:34:05: That in his you know two and half years has remained constant not only for him But for other people in his group because he said, oh dude We've all heard the stories of you know The people who are in therapy or outpatient clinics?

00:34:21: Or You know doing this or doing that or reading the books.

00:34:23: He's like Dude but all of them All of them say that a is the number one reason why they stay sober And it doesn't cost any money.

00:34:32: It doesn't um Like no one...like y-you don't have to pay any fees Y'don't have too Donate anything You know, even if there's like a PayPal link for support They always say you can't.

00:34:48: If you want to but you are more important than your money and we're just really happy that you're here And it's not mandatory at all.

00:34:57: It was cool too because I thought oh this is weekly donation thing i don't know.

00:35:01: Um...I would have felt a little used But they were really adamant Never talked about it at all.

00:35:11: the purpose... I'm losing track here.

00:35:13: Basically, they spoke so earnestly and it was like from the first person on.

00:35:17: i was already crying for them.

00:35:21: And what's also amazing is that All these different walks of life Different ages Different nationalities Different backgrounds Different stories Every single one had something That struck my chest Like a hot knife Something They'd experienced Something they've done in their drunken days Something they felt in the moment as they're struggling through their week, just you know even if I couldn't put my finger on it.

00:35:46: It was like a feeling i felt them and it hit me and it just blew me away!

00:35:51: And I'm so grateful for them...and I'm grateful that I got to experience-that..I've gotten to experience that....And I am grateful for having been there seeing what it's really like and putting all my, you know What do you call?

00:36:13: It liked my assumptions to the side.

00:36:15: I Really look forward to going back And if anyone out there hearing this is struggling in any way Please please please get the help that you need because its You know i'm still a sobriety virgin here and I'm not saying that every day is easy, it's not.

00:36:39: And i am NOT saying this patch of sobriety that im on gonna be IT FOR LIFE because the slogan that alcoholics live by-and i really do find more new meaning in it um...is one day at a time there was an older gentleman who sounded he had most amazing voice like sir Ian McKellen but american.

00:37:05: His whole thing was, I don't count days anymore because it's only about today.

00:37:13: And i was like oh my god!

00:37:16: Oh my God that is so beautiful.

00:37:19: There were people talking how they weren't Doing what they should be doing.

00:37:24: They weren't doing their reading, you know calling their sponsors.

00:37:28: how the worry about relapsing.

00:37:31: and then there was a woman who is like You know really struggling taking care of her family And how she seems sick?

00:37:36: She straight up said I'm not doing well and it's just so real.

00:37:41: And then you have people who have positive stories, and are so glad to be there... Well everyone is glad that they're here but was more like man I used to do this!

00:37:49: I'm just grateful for all of y'all guys.

00:37:51: So thankful that your sharing.

00:37:54: Then i got my turn in on the now ill wrap up with that.

00:37:57: But towards the end I went and.. I just immediately started crying.

00:38:11: It was really emotional and I felt very heard.

00:38:18: I felt Very appreciated And like welcomed deeply warmly welcome to buy all these strangers, and i discussed You know a is where?

00:38:31: you don't do.

00:38:32: no i was Like learning from them as they were speaking.

00:38:35: you Don't hold back because that's where the little demon starts to get his power.

00:38:40: so I told like be full fullest of full truth about my alcoholism and only in therapy to My closest closest people, and in AA do I do that?

00:38:55: And man.

00:38:56: I just it Just-it just hit me and I just I just sobbed and probably apologized too many times for sniffling into the into the microphone but It just felt great And I'm really thankful for all of those people.

00:39:15: I can't wait to go back again, i'm gonna do it next week!

00:39:17: Have a call with Al on Monday and yeah... if you're in position- It's easier said than done come one.

00:39:29: im an alcoholic but like If your'e in the position where u think you are getting too far down the hole?

00:39:39: You're scared to tell people I've been there, and...I have to say it wasn't until i actually did It.

00:39:52: Where i actually-actually Did IT?

00:39:57: Going To AA where I realized oh my god like every single thing that I felt That I assumed nobody except for maybe really crazy people who were so off their rocker could ever be going through.

00:40:16: because who would go through this stuff?

00:40:18: blah, blah.

00:40:19: It wasn't until I actually went to AA where realized every single alcoholic has multiple if not everything in common with each other.

00:40:36: it's a terrible disease and takes far too many lives way too young.

00:40:43: i'm so thankful it for every single day that I don't drink and That i get to you know spend another day talking, to those.

00:40:53: I love And It is worth it?

00:41:00: And it's never too late.

00:41:02: so i'll leave You guys with that serious episode today.

00:41:04: but you Know series life changes.

00:41:07: Thank You So much For Listening.

00:41:10: If you wanna hear funny stuff, I do have a comedy special to watch for free on my YouTube.

00:41:16: In the show notes... You know in those show notes?

00:41:19: I will put a link for English language Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that can just join on Zoom and don't even need your camera up.

00:41:27: Some people who spoke didn't even have their cameras because they couldn't.

00:41:30: They were at work so wanted listen into stories And feel supported.

00:41:36: My friend Julian sent me Al sent me a great podcast about sobriety with people's testimonials really amazing and I will put the link for The Online Zooms as well, For People of People who just want to hop in.

00:41:53: Check out the link In the show notes if you Want To check Out my social media content where i actually am funny hopefully And do stuff on youtube and comedy American military bases later this October along with Cologne.

00:42:10: If you're listening from cologne, I'm going to be at the Cologne Comedy Festival.

00:42:13: Please go get your tickets for that and otherwise guys one day at a time This too shall pass.

00:42:21: You are loved.

00:42:22: stay strong And thank you very much for listening bye-bye.